Our Stories

Mission Inn, Riverside. I'm sure there are lots of stories here. The LA Times article on love and enduring relationships said that those who manage to have long-term relationships have the same "story" and stick to it. For example there is the fairy tale story (prince and princess), the visionist story (a business model, accumulating homes, goods and successful children), travel story (life is a journey), police story (good guy, bad guy), and war story (constant fights). Their research says that those that have matching story profiles tend to be more satisfied.

Makes sense to me. I'm a traveler and believe life is a journey. So does my husband. When I was still single a serious suitor had the prince/princess story. I didn't want to be put on a pedestal - wanted more of an equitable partnership so I knew that relationship wouldn't work. I'm much happier with my "life is a journey" husband. We still do wonderful things for each other and he does spoil me outrageously but we're not the prince/princess model. However we do have a princess in our family - it's called a cat. She definitely lives that story!

Daughter's last day in rehab keeps changing and now it's scheduled for the 11th of August. She and her youngest son are scheduled for another meeting with her counselor this Friday. He'd rather skip the whole thing but it's important to her. And he is at the age (13) where he never seems eager to do anything but once he's into it, it's okay.

We still don't have an appointment for husband's CT-scan. I wondered if he was getting anxious and just wanted to hurry up and get the operation over with. Nope. He's in no hurry to lose his bladder. Of course. I should have known better.

It Makes The World Go Round

Painting done by aunt. I was reading an article in the LA Times this morning about brains and relationships. It said that one of the reasons relationships last is that "long-term couples don't update their images of each other." They stick with their initial view and don't update as they get older and less attractive.

Isn't that great? So when husband says I look beautiful, I do to him - he sees me with eyes of love and I still see the man that won my heart when I look at him. And think about it - seeing someone as they were and knowing them as they are. Perfect.

We had a former neighbor visit today. They took California profits with them to Oklahoma and bought the home of their dreams - only it's in Oklahoma. Not that there's anything wrong with that. He told her that if she wasn't happy there they could always come back but realistically she knows that's not an option. Her family is here and she comes out to visit as often as she can. The trip today was because they'd learned about husband's bladder cancer and wanted to offer support. Where would we be without friends - they lighten our load. Okay, now I'm being silly but differences between male and female friendships? Male: many hands make light work. Female: Too many cooks spoil the broth. Just kidding. I get confused with those things anyway and never know if the squeaky wheel gets the grease or gets replaced.

Husband's best friend in Montana called yesterday and said his surgeon would perform the surgery needed if husband wanted a new bladder created out of his intestine. Husband thanked him but said no. He could have the surgery if he wanted to go to LA but he has decided to keep the surgeon he has and go with his recommendation. Just take the bladder out, wear a bag and hope that's it.

We should be hearing from the lab later today or tomorrow to find out when they are ready for his CT-scan. Bone scan, August 14th. Then - operation.

Re love and relationships? More tomorrow.

North To Alaska

And I only have one. We are adjusting to the fact that he has bladder cancer. Now I'm asking questions re the things I know nothing about but need to - how do we reset the sprinkler system, how often do we hand water the flowers, what is the combination to the padlocks on the sheds. We have a division of labor that works for us and these are the things that he takes care of. I handle the spa, finances and we work out the inside stuff.

Daughter will need lots of household items when she gets out of rehab and I have begun going through our things to see how we can help. I have lots of dishes, silverware, cookware, extra towels, linens, etc. We also have an extra refrigerator in the garage if she needs one. We are giving her both twin beds and getting a new queen-sized bed for the grandson that will be staying with us for a while.

While going through things I came across the souvenir husband brought me back from his first trip to Alaska. He bought a billiken necklace, some silver jewelry and this polyester pillow cover.

I never knew what to do with it but couldn't bear to throw it away - he loves it! I'm glad I didn't get ride of it (brings back memories) but still don't know what to do with it so back into the closet it goes.

I said we were adjusting to the bladder cancer. We are. We know that what matters most is that it hasn't spread. There was an article in the LA Times yesterday about a young man that was operated on for cancer. While removing the lymph nodes behind the major organs in the abdomen they think the surgeon accidently splashed cancerous lymphatic fluid in the abdominal cavity which created many more tumors. That is their theory. They think they've taken care of the tumors with chemo and this man who is studying to be a doctor and returning to med school in the fall says "a positive attitude and fighting spirit is a way to improve the odds, but also a way to live in the process."

The Four-Hour Pass

Farmer's Market, Riverside

The day started off with a quick trip to the farmer's market, downtown Riverside. They have the most wonderful organic fruits and vegetables, artisan breads and hummus. I picked up another tub of cilantro hummus which is fabulous with just about anything, a loaf of miner's sourdough bread, a variety of summer squash and a few peaches.

Today daughter got her first pass from rehab - four hours to fill anyway she chose. So how does a girl spend time? Shopping of course. We went to the Plaza and our first stop was at Borders where she and the boys had a Javanilla shake topped with a huge mound of whipped cream. Spent some time in the bookstore before we headed to Gottschalks. She wanted an outfit she could wear to future interviews and needed some shoes. We bought a black,brown and white print shell, slim brown skirt, brown slacks, 2 pair of shoes and a leather purse. She said that when she went out last week job hunting the only shoes she had were a half size too small and her feet hurt all day. She looked great in all the purchases and though this shouldn't matter - everything was on sale.

We then went to Islands for lunch and it was great to watch her interact with the boys. The atmosphere was very relaxed and we all had a good time.

After lunch we went to Paneras so she could bring a treat back to the girls in her apartment. We bought chocolate chip, oatmeal-raisin and shortbread cookies for them and I picked up a couple of cinnamon rolls for the husband that stayed home.

It was then back to the bookstore to pick up a few more items before we brought her back to her facility. We got there about 10 minutes before her deadline; if they are late it is a very serious matter. Lots of hugs, kisses and off she went. She is such a short-timer that that is probably her first and last pass. What a great day!

Friday At Home

In 2006, the Cat Fanciers' Association recognized 41 cat breeds, based mostly on appearance. The American Kennel Club recognized more than 150 dog breeds, divided into seven groups according to their use. In general, utility just isn't a cat thing. My iPod and I went out for a walk this morning and I think I love that darn thing. I can't believe I put off getting one for so long - so much nicer than strapping a cd player around my waist before I set out the door. Not having a bulky belt thing around my waist makes me feel thinner too - not that that matters of course.

I walked for the first time in a sort-of jogging bra thing - it has a built-in bra with narrow straps and looks okay under a track suit or alone. Anyway, when I got back from my walk the Mr. said we'd been invited out to breakfast with some friends so I prepared to change and shower quickly. I was a little (very) sweaty and this darn top had become welded to my body. I tried to pull it over my head and became stuck about half way - couldn't get it off and couldn't get it back down either. With that thing sort of engulfing my head, I thought about yelling for help but then reconsidered knowing how stupid this would look. So I waited a few minutes sort of suspended and then tried again. Success - I was able to get it all the way over my head and fling it onto the bed. Don't know if I'll use it again. And I know, Miss Nagel (old English teacher) that people perspire and horses sweat but honestly, I was sweating.

Breakfast with friends was fun this morning - we both needed a diverison. They told us about two of their friends currently living in Utah that have had bladders removed and both are doing fine. One of them had his operation about 20 years ago.

Grandson went to a midnight showing of The Simpson Movie and had a wonderful time. He had an early breakfast at Dennys before he came home. The last time husband and I went to a midnight show was for LOTR Return of The King. The theater and a nearby restaurant worked together and made it an Event. We purchased tickets that entitled us to dinner, door prizes, posters, bookmarks and prior seating in the theater. We got home around 3:30am and I got up to go to work around 5:00am. Didn't mind it a bit. Don't know if I'd do it for the Simpsons but then again, I'm not 17.