Fire

There are so many roses that the bush bends from their weight. The winds didn't bother them.The fires have turned the sky in SoCal light brown and there's still a slight scent of smoke in the air. The worst of it has passed as the Santa Anas have died down and the humidity has increased somewhat. Our friends in Lake Arrowhead did not lose their home but a few of their neighbors did. This is not the first time they've had to evacuate but they say it never gets easier. I've read that some who lose their homes and possessions through fire say that in a way it is freeing - they learn that they are more than the sum of their things and what is important and matters in the long run. Perhaps. For some.

My grandparents had their home destroyed by fire when my Mother was just a toddler and that experience left her with a life-long fear of fire. Her mother caught pneumonia and died shortly after the fire and they blamed her death indirectly on the fire. She never knew her mother and said that as she grew older she decided that one day she would be the mother she had wanted. I think one of the best things a mother can give is the knowledge that you are completely and without reservation loved for who you are - warts and all. It's a love that makes you believe in yourself. This wonderful person, your mother, says you're terrific so it must be so. She always regretted not having a mother as she grew up but turned herself into a mother that her five children (and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren) adored. She did alright for a little girl from Norwegian Grove.

Santa Anas

The bougainvillea is so beautiful this time of year.As it turns out, it's not just my imagination that the Santa Anas we're currently experiencing are about as bad as I've ever seen - part of the proof is in all the fires that are still out of control. It has been too windy today to use fixed-wing aircraft so no super-scooper tankers have been able to drop water or chemicals. If the winds die down a bit, things may change but they will only be able to use them until it gets dark. We have friends in the Lake Arrowhead area (they're saying an arsonist is responsible for that fire) and it seems they're forced to evacuate every other year but they wouldn't live anywhere else. We can smell and see smoke but there are no fires in our area. However, the winds will be with us for at least 24 more hours.

I telecommuted today since the 91 was a mess because of a fire in the Santiago Cyn area - also caused by an arsonist. So I had an extra day to get things done at home. And did I? Nope. Still have a "to do" list as long as my arm. Since DH is now feeling much better, I'm making a list for him too. Hey, if I don't do it who will!

The Santa Anas AKA Devil Winds

Sam loves to burrow - thinks she can't be seen as she settles in for a nap.They're back. The Santa Ana winds are back with as much force as I've ever seen. These are hot, dry, dry, dry winds that usually appear around this time of year and seem to suck the moisture out of everything and everyone. They also bring wildfires -some caused by nature, some caused by human error and some started on purpose by sick people called arsonists who have no regard whatsoever for people, animals or property. We have eight different fires going on right now and they are all out of control with no idea of when they will be contained. These devil winds are expected to continue until Tuesday. And unfortunately these winds usually increase overnight.

On another note, DGS bought his first fancy-schmancy wool sport coat yesterday. I had promised him a shopping trip and of course my input but the final decision was his. He has good taste! He looks fabulous in it and says he's going to use it for trolling. Hmm, no fishing this far inland that I know of - wonder what he meant by that? ;-)

Lastly, I've finally managed to buy something that Samantha likes and uses - we lucked out and found a great cat tree that should provide her with lots of climbing hours and great views out her window. It has a few toys that she can swat at from different levels. Now maybe she will give Andy back his stool by the window. Or not.

Just Stuff

Wind knocked off one of the birds but DH fixed it. He also wanted to polish it up a bit but I like the way it's weathering.

My insurance agent called to inform me that the collision shop that has my car will be keeping it until November 1st - I expected to get it back next week so am disappointed. And the apx $1500.00 estimate has changed to $2600.00 and may climb.

DGS said there was going to be a potluck (what's a potluck?) at work and he was asked to bring a dessert. Should be interesting. He's still on his Italian kick - how hard is to to make tiramisu?

My workday has the usual amounts of stress - some days are better than others. Today I needed to resurrect an old exercise:

take three deep breaths breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth

out loud say "alert, amused body"

take three more deep breaths

and then say "calm mind" and smile

Works every time - think it's the "smile" that does it. Can't feel too stressed if you're smiling.

This N That

DGS's Bug You can't drive in SoCal without the occasional fender-bender or worse. My turn came up last week. Someone pulling out of a parking lot onto the street before checking to see if there was any through traffic tagged the right rear quadrant of my car. She was driving an Expedition. Ouch. Didn't do too much damage though - dented the side, scraped the paint and messed up the wheel-well. To the tune of apx $1500.00 which her insurance covers. However, the body shop says they need my car for nine days which seems like an awfully long time. Thought I could get by without renting a car (which her insurance also will cover) but no way I can juggle using DH's car for that long.

DGS is almost ready for his driver's test. Things will be a lot easier for all of us when he can drive. Though he loved his orange bug for a while he now wants to trade it in on something a little bigger. Not enough room for his musical equipment and I think he's not crazy about driving a stick.

Don't know if "happy anniversary" is quite appropriate but it was two months ago today that DH had his radical cystectomy. The operation was long, the hospital stay was borderline horrific and there were times when I thought we'd never figure out how to get his appliance to stay on and his diarrhea would never end. All of those problems are in the past and the future looks pretty good.

How Old?

This evening on the local news, a woman who had witnessed an accident began to describe the person that had left the scene. She said, "He was Hispanic. And he was an older man, between thirty and forty." Bada-Bing! Made my day.

Okay, this made my day too but in a good way: DH's supplies were delivered today. Round 1 for the VN.

Domestic Bliss

The flowers are fading but still enjoyable.

After reading Amy's blog re her mother and best friend sewing while on vacation and having just finished Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (on Rosemary's blog as a good read) I was reminded of what my Mother told me about the first time she met her mother-and-sisters-in-law.

She had three children when she met and married the only man I ever knew as Dad. Their first child was born in July and in August we made a trip back to ND so Dad's family could meet his wife, new family and his baby boy.

His mother was a short, heavy-set woman with hair down to her knees that was kept tightly wrapped in a small bun at the nape of her neck. His dad was a martinet, wiry small man that ruled the house like a Bantam rooster.

In Snow Flower, the author talks about the position (or lack of) that a woman had once she married and moved in with her husband and his family. She was subservient to her mother-in-law and needed to prove herself as a "worthy" addition to the family by assuming a lot of the family duties which included sewing. Once she gave birth to a son, her position improved somewhat.

Our Mother was in the same position of needing to prove herself - she was a divorcee with three children and Dad's family was highly suspicious of this California woman that snapped up this fantastic prize, their son and brother.

While Mother was relaxing at his mother's house, a couple of Dad's sisters arrived with bolts of cloth and as they pulled out the sewing machine they told Mother she should make some dresses for my sister and I out of the fabric they were carrying. Right now. Right there. So she did. She knew it as the rite of passage it was. She completely won them over as she finished up the dresses as they were sure this California woman wouldn't, couldn't know how to do "domestic" chores.

I don't remember what the dresses were like but I don't think I remember her doing any sewing as we were growing up. She did however know how to sew and had a sister who made dresses for my sister and me. They were awful dresses - no waist at all to speak of. When my sister and I complained about that, my aunt began putting ties on the dress so they could be tied in the back into a big bow. Did I mention we were in junior high? We always went to private school (until high school) so our humiliation was witnessed by small numbers. Small consolation.

I always sewed for my children and even learned how to make jackets and put in zippers for our son's pants. The aunt that made the dresses used to send me yards of fabric when we lived in Washington and I used everything. The scraps were made into quilts and it was always fun to look at the quilts and recall the dress, shirt, or jacket that the pieces came from. I also liked to make "granny" dresses for myself. Even made a 48" rag doll for our daughter with life-sized clothes. It was a Christmas gift and when she looked at it she said, "Oh, this dolly has no nose."

Well, it didn't have a three-dimensional nose but it did have a stitched-on nose, beautiful yarn hair and darling clothes. It was so much fun to make! Ah, memories.

Andy Now that we've gotten almost everything related to DH's operation under control, we get to deal with that portion of his insurance responsible for delivering the supplies he needs for his stoma. Three weeks ago we were assured we'd have the supplies within two weeks - they're not here. After many phone calls today we have again been assured they're on the way - we'll see. The VN placed the order but the company says they have no record of it. What DH has gone through is hard enough without having to worry about whether or not he will have the supplies he needs when he needs them. We will get them and I'm not stressed but DH is.

Tuesday

I've tried to get a wonderful picture of Andy to post but our little Scotty seems to photograph as a black chunk. How many flattering pictures do you see of Barney? Point made. This crosspoint needlework was done by our DIL - dearly loved.
There was an article in the paper today stating that "much of the stored blood given to millions of people every year may lack a component vital for it to deliver oxygen to the tissues." A doctor from Duke University was quoted as saying that "transfused blood being harmful to patients is one of the biggest problems facing American medicine." DH had three units of blood during his operation - necessary because his surgeon said radical cystectomy is a very bloody operation. Thank goodness the blood was available. DH is getting back to normal now but for many weeks he's been tired, forgetful, irritable, and just plain "spacey." I wonder how much of it is due to the trauma of the surgery, his natural disposition or to the transfusions. Yesterday it seemed as if a switch was thrown and he's now back in his body. Today, even better.

What A Difference A Day Makes

This picture is for the artist, my grand niece. On October 15th it will be two months since DH's operation and today has been his best day yet. Today is the first day he's said he feels great and he's acting like he does. He has more energy, his mood is lighter, his appetite has picked up, he's laughing at his own jokes and is making weekend plans. The difference between yesterday and today is unbelievable. A huge corner has been turned.

Amy references a barista on her blog and I thought of that yesterday while I was waiting for my pumpkin spice latte. And waiting. And waiting. It was obviously the first day for the woman preparing our drinks and she was completely overwhelmed. My drink took almost thirty minutes (at the bookstore so I didn't mind) and then it turned out my cup was leaking. I returned it and waited another fifteen minutes before I was given a replacement drink. That cup leaked too. Went back and this time my drink was put in a cup-in-a-cup. Unfortunately that leaked too and my mood was now not quite so patient. She then upgraded the size ("for a better value") as an appeasement and this time the cup didn't leak. The leaking cups were not her fault (all the grande cups seemed to leak) but she was so confused, tired, and overwhelmed that I am almost positive her first day was also her last. I felt bad for her. She wasn't prepared and those responsible for training her didn't.

More Stuff

Come on guys, smile!Spent most of the weekend with DD and the boys. Saturday we went to Ontario Mills where both budding guitarists played just about every guitar at Sam Ash while DD and I checked out all the new merchandise at Cost Plus World Market. They've got Christmas decorations out and everything looked so fresh and beautiful. DD is excited about Christmas this year - the first in many years that she will be able to spend with her boys as a clean and sober mom. And she's looking forward to making lefse, a Norwegian flatbread that is a must for Thanksgiving and Christmas. DH is even insisting that we will have lutefisk this year - cod prepared with lye. We boil it in cheesecloth (it would completely fall apart otherwise) and serve it with drawn butter. It smells terrible and sort of slips down your throat, chewing not really necessary. And it tastes as bad as it smells. Ah, tradition.

Later we went to lunch at Rainforest Cafe - shared a bruschetta appetizer and ordered Mogambo Shrimp, a pasta dish with shrimp, sundried tomatoes, peas and mushrooms all tossed with an Alfredo sauce. Delicious!

DGS is now interested in all things Italian. He bought a book and CD to learn how to speak Italian -which is obviously very important in SoCal where Spanish is a close (very close) second to English. I am going to rent the movie "Breaking Away" for him - the one about the bicycle racer with a love for all things Italian. It starred Dennis Christopher, Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern. Next I'll find out if he's seen American Graffiti - another classic.

Autumn

Yesterday we had a high of 70 and today's high was 73 - fall is definitely in the air. A recipe for Take-10 Super Cookies at http://www.kingarthurflour.com/ has 10 ingredients that cancer researchers consider to be "breast-cancer friendly." I haven't tried the recipe but among other ingredients, it contains shredded carrots, dried cranberries, quick rolled oats, chocolate chips and almonds. Sounds delicious. If you want the recipe, log on to the King Arthur web site, click on recipes and in the "recipe search" box, enter Super Cookies. I have two DGS to bake for and have trained them well - they love everything I bake. :-)

DH was talking to a friend yesterday and I heard him say that they had gotten all the cancer when his bladder was removed. Well, yes but not exactly. They got all the known cancer but there was one very small spot where the cancer punched through the bladder wall and that means a chance (however small) that cancer cells may show up elsewhere. We will have followup appointments with his surgeon and primary physician soon to discuss DH's options.

The Escape Artist

Sam opened the garage door today. She found a garage-door opener in DH's nightstand, stepped on the right button and voila - up went the door and she was sure she was on her way to freedom. Andy ratted her out and - busted. Sorry Sam.In thinking about sexual harassment in the workplace, I would often not "get" what some men were saying. It wasn't always too hard because I was hopelessly naive for so long. The following illustrates my point.

Once a week we had pizza night at the firm I worked for. Around 5-6:00pm we would gather at the office for pizza and learn about new products, have different mutual-fund wholesalers tout their funds, get info on different tax shelters and new offerings. The meetings often lasted until 10:00pm and that was a very, very long day as most of us were at our desks around 6:30-7:00am.

This particular evening ran very late and it was almost 11:00pm when the most tired bunch of brokers you've ever seen headed for the elevators and home. Someone pushed a button that summoned the elevator. No one spoke. When the elevator arrived, we quietly shuffled in - still not speaking. We were exhausted. I was one of only two women brokers. Then one of the men said, "I'm so tired. When I get home all I'm going to do is play with my monkey."

Now, our local paper had been running a series of articles about how many people were illegally importing exotic animals and too late discovering they were difficult to housebreak and also dangerous. Most of the exotic animals were monkeys. So when this fellow said he was going to play with his monkey, I thought he meant a monkey. In all innocence I said, "Oh, you have a monkey?" When laughter broke out, someone said, "That must be Sandy!" It was. I knew I'd said something wrong but didn't know what until years later. I lot of my naivete I didn't have to fake. I also think I read too much.

Clarence Thomas Confirmation

Japanese Gardens - right now I need to look at something peaceful.I didn't think I'd blog tonight - too tired because DD and I spent all afternoon shopping. And I mean all afternoon, I just got home. Thought I'd turn on the computer, check the two blogs I always do and then go take a bubblebath, slip into a robe and grab a cup of coffee. Well, I'm wide awake now after checking Rosemary's blog re Clarence Thomas. I wonder how many women currently in the workplace are even aware of how contentious his confirmation hearings were. He was marginally qualified but was conservative and after the Bork nomination went down in flames, the conservatives were determined this one would get through - no matter what. During the hearings, Anita Hill who had worked with Thomas at the Dept of Education and at the EEOC, testified that he had sexually harassed her and made remarks to her about a pubic hair and Coke can. Thomas denied the allegations and the battle was on. The hearings were carried on NPR and also TV. It was a "he said, she said" situation. Both sides lined up witnesses but they absolutely steam-rollered over Anita Hill. Some of her co-workers said Thomas couldn't possibly have harassed Hill because he'd never bothered them. Really? He hadn't done it to them so that meant he wasn't capable of doing it to someone else? She had others to support her claim but they never were allowed to testify because the hearings were going on too long and the Senators just wanted to put his nomination to a vote and end the discussion. He was confirmed and a man who dabbled in pornography and held women in such low regard was appointed to a life-long position. A life-long position. And don't you wonder how all the bitterness and anger he still feels impact his legal decisions? The only positive thing to come from this was a public awareness of sexual harassment. Any woman who works with men knows, honestly knows, it goes on. I've experienced it, witnessed it. Pretending not to "get" what men were saying, avoiding being alone in certain situations. Managers that thought they held all the power and could do, say, insinuate whatever.

I've gone on too long but I'm wide awake now. Women need to be good friends to women.

And boys should be raised to respect women and girls to never, but never put up with harassment.

Gratitude Dance

We jokingly refer to a bull dance when we want the market to go up but I think this looks like more fun. And who doesn't have things to be grateful for - dance away


Tomorrow DD and I are going shopping! It's time. She is looking for a new coat, sweater or two, a couple of blouses or tops, and shoes. When we first moved down here from Washington I thought the idea of coats and sweaters was so not necessary - not cool enough for that in sunny SoCal. By our second year I had acclimated and yes, we need sweaters and coats here. I inherited my Mother's mink stroller but still haven't worn it. She always wore it on big nights out but I think it looks awesome with skinny jeans. She wouldn't mind. I would never buy a mink but I have it and should do something with it. Just need to figure out what.

PS

Love makes the world go round - flowers and music assist.There is a commercial for JCP with the accompanying song, "Life inside the music box ain't easy.." - and I can't get that song out of my head. The singer is Regina Spektor and I'm going to look into her music. May be my next CD or download.

A Happy Heart

He's not ready to eat another pastrami sandwich yet and is healing slower than we thought but....getting better every day and looking forward to a return visit to Back Street, Riverside.Today is too beautiful to be anything but up. At last, success! We're so comfortable dealing with DH's stoma. I can now put on an appliance that holds for a week and actually needs to be tugged off. No more leaking urine and adhesives not holding. I still find it hard to believe that he was released from the hospital before we knew how to handle it. One kind nurse whose father-in-law had an urostomy took it upon herself to show us how she changed his - said she did it all the time because her FIL wouldn't even look at it. She did her best and it was better than nothing but it turned out to be wrong for DH's situation. The 2nd VN that came showed us the right way though she even had some problems because his stoma was pretty flat. Thankfully it seems to be protruding a bit more now and that may have something to do with his post-operation swelling diminishing somewhat. Whatever, we're old pros - piece of cake.

DD and DGS were over yesterday for quite a while. She mentioned having very few things to wear as she's gained some weight now that she's no longer meth thin. Her old clothes no longer fit her and thank goodness for that! They were all "hootchie-mama" clothes that embarrassed the heck out of all of us. Anyway, she's currently wearing "do-no's" - clothes that have been donated and would like some things of her own. I think it's time. We've both been promised a makeover by DH (who can't plead amnesia because we both heard him!) and I think it's time to get the ball rolling

And guess what came in the mail today? An AAA travel brochure with info re cruises to Alaska! I've mentioned taking an Alaskan cruise to him but he said nope, not interested. Well, after looking at the brochure, he's thinking - seriously - about it. And no, I didn't send for the brochure. See how things work out?

Last time I'm going to mention this: Rosemary, you are not only smart but so wonderfully wise. Your comment re "you have taken care of him as a partner should" was so simple and so deep. Last night he reached for my hand, looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. It means the world to me." And I thought of your words and knew, really knew what being a partner means - richer or poorer, sickness or health. I learn slow but learn well. Thank you

Okay - second to the last time: Amy, your sweet concern and phone hugs are priceless. Your whole family is so lucky to have you and I think your Mother is loving the way we look after each other. Thanks for being there - always!

Bubba Dog AKA Andy And how good was my day? I bought a $180.00 suit for $41.00 - that good.

Fresh Starts

Why Andy can't relax! Look out here she comes.......... A better day today. The air has been cleared (there are better ways!) and we are both being extra considerate of the other. I think he realized for the first time that his operation and recovery affect me too and I understand better how frustrated he is and how powerless he feels. He has always been an "in charge" man and now he's not. The road is bumpier than I thought it would be but we're adjusting.

DS had a good doctor visit yesterday - his leg is now quickly improving and should be completely healed in about four weeks. He is still walking with a cane but it doesn't slow him down. He and his ex-wife decided that their son should return to Texas to start the school year and he will come out here to permanently live with his dad at the end of the year. This gives them all a chance to adjust and prepare for the changes.

DD stopped by this evening on her way to a sponsored dance. Like Cinderella, she has to be in by midnight as they have a very strict curfew. She looked so happy and is doing well. She has started dreaming again - they told her that as her brain began returning to normal she would and she is. She will soon be five months clean.

DGS is spending the night with us and it's good to see the brothers together again. They enjoy each other's company and it's fun to listen to their good-natured teasing - mostly about music and the taste or lack-of in the other. When it gets too heated I threaten to put on some ABBA - stops them cold every time.

Oh, what beautiful blue eyes! And she patiently waits for me to finish taking her picture so she can get back to her nap.

I'm not feeling very good about myself right now. I fixed dinner for DH and he said something that I took as a criticism and I snapped back feeling unappreciated, unloved, just blah. After all I've been doing for him, this is the thanks I get? Naturally he had no idea what set me off - and I can't blame it on "that time of the month" anymore. I'm frustrated because his doctor called and said the results of his latest blood test show he's still anemic and he's been taking time-release iron pills that supply almost 300% of the RDA! Why is he still anemic? The anemia explains his lack of energy so I guess the good news is I don't have to worry about the lethargy meaning DH is slipping into depression. I always have more questions than answers and I've just got to be more patient. He's going through quite a bit and I get sensitive? Not my finest hour.

Kittens

Kittens in a box. I've bought several new toys for Sam because I've been told that since she's an indoors cat she needs the extra stimulation that new toys provide. She now has a crinkly tunnel to ignore and a motorized feathery-thing-on-a-stick to ignore. Who knew that a box could provide so much fun? But isn't it often like that with little kids? They throw away the "educational" toy and play with the box!

Mornings

This was the first thing I saw as I started my walk this morning - a beautiful, full moon. I went back and grabbed the camera. It doesn't begin to show just how gorgeous it was. Truly spectacular. Most mornings I walk alone - just me and my iPod.
We're in an unincorporated area of Riverside but still have sidewalks and streetlights. One foot in the country (well, what passes for the country in SoCal) and one in the city.
I know myself well enough to know I could never live where I couldn't see mountains.

I try to walk every day which means getting up early. I'm not a runner. Too old, too slow and they never look like they're having fun. I once called a client who told me he always ran in the mornings. His wife answered, he wasn't there. When I asked if he was out on his morning run, she laughed and said, "Run? He never runs. He's out for his walk." I don't pretend I run. I don't. I walk.

Happy Birthday DGS

The day before he turned 18 he bought a wig complete with sideburns and glasses and wore them........ while he mowed the lawn. Definitely a reason to grab the camera. His sideburns kept flopping in the wind because we didn't have the tape he needed to hold them in place. Was he embarrassed by the stares he got? Nah, he's a teenager.

Today DGS is 18. He's ready to register to vote, register with the Selective Service, (and pray we never return to the draft!) change his saving account at the bank to a checking account and get checks and a debit card, get an unrestricted driving license, be eligible for most jobs, sign legal contracts, and generally take one step into the adult world. He is very sober minded about all the responsibilities an 18 year old incurs and is ready for them. He has a good heart, great sense of humor, and a keen intellect. We love him very much and are incredibly proud of the fine young man he's become.

We had a small party for him and his mother (DD) baked a beautiful cake. He is now out with his friends and he's chosen well - they're as wonderful as he is. We still have no idea where his dad is but DGS is now preparing the paperwork to take our last name. He asked DH if it was okay and DH said he'd be proud to have him share our name. And we are.

Apropos of Absolutely Nothing

Riverside, CA Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa's paramour, Mirthala Salinas, who covered him as a TV reporter and fill-in anchor while also carrying on an affair with him, has been punished by being reassigned to the Riverside area as a general assignment reporter. Banished to Riverside and demoted.

They're not sure is she will accept the reassignment or resign - maybe she will get a book deal? This may not have been such a big deal but she announced Villaraigosa's decision to divorce his wife will also being his lover! Tres tacky. She has had affairs with other married Hispanic politicians but this is the first one who left his wife for her. This wouldn't really be news to me but for the fact she's banished to Riverside. The paper makes it sound as if she will never be heard from again - hey, we're on the map!

Time Marches On

She has the ability to sleep anywhere - and usually does. DH is still very weak, tires easily and today he says his stomach hurts. I'm getting a little frustrated with his recovery. He seemed to be making such strides at first and now it's much slower. My biggest fear with all the resting he does is that he will slip into some sort of a depression.

A couple of days ago DH went to his doctor for a checkup and we got an A+ in handling his stoma and the surrounding skin area. It was red and raw when he was discharged from the hospital because they didn't have his appliance on properly and couldn't stop the urine from leaking onto his skin - urine is pretty strong stuff. His skin is now in excellent condition and among other things, that means we can eliminate some of the steps when we put the appliance on. Actually I'm the one putting it on but there will come a time when he will be able to do it himself. The hardest part is trying to keep everything dry before we get it on - the kidneys constantly dribble. I'm now using a tampon to keep the area dry - place it right into the opening of his stoma and it absorbs everything. The VN used a twisted piece of paper towel to absorb the leaks but the tampon works better.

DD is doing well and DGS is adjusting to living with his mother. He visits us several times during the week while she attends mandatory meetings since she can't leave him alone where they live.

She is living with a lot of rules and regulations but in return she has housing she can afford and support from those who have been there. That means a lot.

DS's leg is getting better - he now walks with a cane and no longer needs his crutches. Still not back to work but hopes to be in the next 3-4 weeks.

Me? Doing okay. Samantha has now begun to climb up in my lap and stays there for extended periods. She does that kneading bit and then sort of blisses herself into sleep. Andrew doesn't get jealous - he's just happy she's not harrassing him.

Good News Bad News

We have roses almost year-round. They love the hot summers and mild winters we have.Good News: The visiting nurse dropped by yesterday (I know, Sunday!) and left us with extra supplies. Plus she is putting in a standing order with the insurance company for regular deliveries of the items DH needs for his urostomy. It is such a relief to know that we have and will continue to have the equipment we need.

Good News: The appliance I put on is still working! It is incredibly reassuring to know we can handle this on our own. DH has enough to handle without worrying if the appliance will leak or fail completely. Makes life easier for both of us.

Bad News: DH has had diarrhea since he was discharged from the hospital. He told this to his primary care doctor a couple of days after he was home. His doctor told us to pick up an over-the-counter diarrhea remedy which we did but it hasn't taken care of the problem. I checked online and learned about the BRAT diet (Bananas Rice Apples Toast) for diarrhea. Not working for us. I mentioned this problem to the VN and she said DH might have C-Diff (clostridium difficile) from his stay in the hospital but we will need further tests to confirm it. If in fact it is C-Diff, then no OTC or diet remedy will take care of it - he will need a prescription. She also didn't like that DH was taking the doctor-suggested remedy and said that it is very hard on the stomach and that we really need to find the reason for the diarrhea. Sigh, sometimes I think we should skip the doctors and just deal with the nurses.

Just Another Day

Though fall is definitely in the air, we still have lots of summer left. The visiting nurse was supposed to come by today but she didn't show. It doesn't matter though because for right now we have everything under control. A male visiting nurse came by last Thursday and took DH's blood pressure and that was it. Didn't even take his temperature and wasn't in the least familiar with the type of surgery DH had - and wasn't able to give DH any info re his urostomy. Hard to believe we only have one wound/ostomy nurse serving all of Riverside County! She is pushing retirement age and I hope they either train or hire others to fill the gap she will create if in fact she retires soon. I keep remembering the ICU nurse DH had - 71-1/2 years old! She came out of retirement because the hospital made her an offer she couldn't refuse. This country (not just RivCo) is short on nurses and short on those able to train them.

Happy Friday

A home with a cat doesn't need a piece of sculpture. DGS will be 18 in less than two weeks and today he received another call from a marine recruiter; he is not interested in them but is looking into the Coast Guard. The services offer a lot of benefits but he doesn't want to end up in Iraq.

I don't want to say we've solved all our problems with DH's appliance but the one I put on yesterday is still holding and DH felt comfortable enough to meet some friends for coffee this morning. Little successes!

Spent time and money at the bookstore today. DGS and I went out for lunch at Panera's and then to the bookstore for a few hours. He did some research for the short movie he and his friends are making and I ended up buying another bunch of books. My weakness! Last week I boxed up about three dozen books for our local library - making room so I can buy some more. I have an electronic reader and I do download books but there is just something special about curling up in a comfy chair with a good book and cup of tea or coffee. Just so very satisfying.

Theory vs Reality

The theory - sweet, happy cat ready for its bath. The reality - don't think so!

The appliance I put on DH only lasted a day and a half. Not good enough. He is starting to get a little depressed over the whole thing and I'm trying to find a way to build a little dam under the stoma so the urine goes directly in the bag and not behind the wafer. When it dribbles behind the wafer, the acid in the urine causes the adhesive to fail. We both know we'll get there but for right now it's frustrating. The DVD the ostomy nurse gave us shows a person standing up, placing the appliance right over his protruding stoma, pressing the whole thing down and voila, perfectly secure. However, DH's stoma barely protrudes and that is part of the problem but at least it's not recessed as some are.

My cat calendar has directions on how to give a cat a bath: Fill a four-inch deep bowl with warm water and firmly place the cat in it, massage gently with cat shampoo and rinse off with water from a jug. Wrap the cat in a towel and if the noise doesn't bother him, finish up with a hair dryer. Hmmmm.......you think?

Shakey Town

Bella Trattoria, Mission Inn RiversideToday I woke up to news of the latest earthquake in Indonesia and it was a reminder that we live in "Earthquake Country" and have had three noticeable earthquakes here in the last ten days. The largest was 4.7 which got our dog pretty excited. Our local grocery store had student earthquake kits and I bought one thinking it would be good to keep in the car. When DH was in the hospital for his operation (four weeks ago today) he asked me to bring him some wipes. The kit had a small pack so I brought those to him. Then he didn't like the hospital water so I took the bottles of water from the kit and brought those to him. Then DGS spied the energy bars and took a few. I ate the raisins. We kept the toothbrush and toothpaste for overnight visitors. Now all we have left in the kit are a couple of small cans of tuna and some fruit cocktail. We're prepared at home, my office is near a grocery store but my car is still not earthquake ready. I think I'll keep it simple - water and energy bars going in the trunk first thing tomorrow.

Just Stuff

Riverside: A little paint brightens up an old building.DH's "appliance" failed in the wee hours of the morning; this was the first time he had a one-piece unit on and it came completely off. Our ostomy nurse put it on Friday so it held up quite well; in theory it should last 5 days or more. I put another one-piece on him early this morning and would like it to last as long as hers did. The nurse told us that years ago people were either house-bound or they improvised using whatever they could to contain the urine - including a tuna can! Something else we learned re the pouch and that is that it shouldn't be more than 1/3 to 1/2 full which means emptying it about every two hours. It's easy to empty (valve on the bottom) but it's going to take some time to adjust to how often it needs to be checked.

Another nice warm day in SoCal. We've been so lucky this summer as far as the heat goes - on the whole it's been much more comfortable than last year. Last year they said that the 2007 summer would be a record breaker but it hasn't happened. It's nice to be outside and hear the leaves that have fallen off the trees rattling down the street. But the very best sign of fall? Pumpkin spice lattes at Starbucks!

Monday, Monday

Life-size statue of Dosan Ahn Chang-ho who was considered by many to be one of the the key moral and philosophical leaders of Korea during the 20th century. He lived in Riverside for a while and this memorial to him is in downtown Riverside. Lately it seems as if my ability to concentrate and sit still for more than five minutes is gone. I pick up a book or magazine and then remember something else I should be doing - I start that and then think of another item that needs attending to and though I'm not yet talking to myself I'm definitely scattered. So, I picked up the DS Lite and Brain Age game to refocus but I really think the problem is to just get better organized and prioritize. Hmm, still a work in progress.

DH is doing a little better today, no leaking problems though he still tires easily. The iron supplement doesn't agree with him so I'm giving him the iron he needs in the form of food - not difficult since just one serving of malt-o-meal gives him 60% of his daily requirement. It is almost four weeks since his bladder and prostate were removed and though he gets impatient with his progress, I think he's doing very well. One pleasant surprise? I enjoy working outdoors and nothing has died.

Grandson just received an Employee of the Month award and a $25.00 bonus. Now if I can only get him to clean his room!

Downtown Riverside Farmer's Market

The best tomatoes! The market opens at 8:00am every Saturday. Flower stand at Riverside's Downtown Farmer's Market Live plants for sale along with fresh flowers. We also have a Farmer's Market on Friday's at the Sear's parking lot but I like the downtown one best.

Most of the stands have organic fruits and vegetables. And did I mention live music? This morning DH decided he was strong enough for a little more walking so we went to our downtown Farmer's Market for a few things. One stand has the absolute best cilantro hummus, tzaziki (non-fat yogurt, persian cucumbers, dill and lots of garlic), fresh tabule and a cucmber salad with minced cucumbers, tomatoes, green onions, & spices. And of course pita pockets. Delicious! Also bought a loaf of Country Harvest bread from my favorite bread stand. It is a round loaf with carrots, raisins, rye flour, whole wheat and walnuts - so good you don't need to put anything on it. Then we got a few tomatoes, squash, peaches and plums. And to feed our soul? Flowers. A big bouquet of mixed flowers.

DH still tires easily so we didn't stay too long. He had some blood tests done after the surgery and we learned he is a little anemic. The doctor told us to get some iron pills at the pharmacy which we've done and that will help with his energy levels. A good day.

My yoga buddy. Definitely not downward-facing-dog! We had another visit from the ostomy nurse today because DH is having a problem with urine leaking around the wafer and we haven't been able to correct it on our own. She had him sit up, observed his stoma and was able to see how it is recessed enough to create the leaking problem. To correct this she molded a barrier piece that is sticky on both sides and created a wedge to sort of lift his stoma up a little so that the urine goes directly into the pouch instead of dribbling behind the back of the wafer - when that happens the urine eats away the adhesive and the whole appliance fails. Hopefully this corrects the problem. We want to have discussions again that aren't centered on whether or not his appliance is leaking.

DD has a studio apartment and her 13-year old is living with her so the only grandson living with us is her 17-soon-to-be-18 year old; because of his age he's not allowed to stay with her. The 13 year old was a little reluctant to leave us but also looked forward to being with his mother though he still has some concerns about her staying sober. He took a long time to say goodby to all of us but they are not that far away and he's already been over here almost every day. In order to keep her subsidized apartment she is required to attend NA meetings during the week and isn't allowed to leave him alone so he comes here. And he loves to wash my car - how good is that? ;-)

Le Chat

Our grandson is making a movie. Looking for sound effects, he said he wants to record the sound I make when I turn around and unexpectedly step on Sam - and record the noise she makes when she's stepped on. Lovely. Her new nickname: Catmandu.

Squeaky Wheels

I haven't been able to get to the office very much the past three weeks but when I have, this has still been my favorite place for lunch and quiet time. Three weeks ago today DH had the operation to remove his bladder and prostate. I intended to write every day to keep track of his progress but this has been the most intense, busy three weeks of my life. I don't have the time or inclination to enumerate all the problems and difficulties we've had along the way but there have been plenty.

The opening in his abdomen where he now eliminates urine is called a stoma. We had three visiting nurses come to help us with his stoma: The first did nothing, the second did a few things but they were all wrong, the third was an urostomy nurse and was very helpful and is still working with us.

We need supplies for the stoma: a "wafer" or barrier that adheres to his body with an opening for the stoma and a pouch or bag that snaps onto the wafer. We were given two when we left the hospital with the assurance that the one put on in the hospital should last for five days or so and more were on the way from the insurance company along with a sampler kit and instructional DVD. Wrong, wrong, wrong. It lasted about two days before it started leaking and our supplier said they didn't have any in stock, they were on back-order and the sampler kit was nowhere in sight. Wonderful. I changed DH's appliance and it held for a few days and then it too began leaking. We weren't given a night drain on DH's discharge from the hospital and we were waking up every two hours to change the pouch - then we overslept and it started leaking. More calls to the supplier, calls to the doctor's office, a visit to the hospital where they gave us one. When I told the house nurse about the night-drainage problem, she walked me outside and gave me a foley bag for night drainage - "shhhh, don't tell anyone I gave it to you but your husband should be able to get a good night's sleep." I visited a hospital supply for additional wafers and pouches only to be told they didn't have any and a doctor's prescription was needed anyway. Then the ostomy nurse came to the house - she brought a few extra wafers and pouches and gave us the first correct instruction on how to handle his stoma and changing the wafer and pouch. You need to remove adhesive from the skin, prepare it for the wafer, keep it dry (while the kidney constantly drains through the stoma!) and then apply the wafer and the pouch. She said all the equipment we were given was wrong and ordered the correct supplies for us. We haven't received them yet but should have them in a day or so. I can now handle this and DH trusts me to. We are on the downhill side of things - it will only get easier from this point. He's handling the psychological part very well - not too difficult as being alive trumps wearing a pouch any day.

Now re the pathology report: The cancer made a microscopic punch through the wall of the bladder. There is a 50/50 chance that cancer will reoccur somewhere and no way of telling who will be in that 50%. Options include chemotherapy, radiation or wait and watch. There are risks with all options; we don't need to make a decision now but are leaning toward waiting and observing. The surgeon's dad had the same operation 12 years ago with 8 places where the cancer had gone through the bladder muscle into surrounding tissue. His dad said he was done, opted for no follow-up treatments and has only recently developed what looks like a new cancer.

In the meantime we are working on building up DH's energy level - nutritious diet and walking for exercise. He still tires easily but that's not unusual after such a big operation. His incision has healed and unbelievably he never really had much pain from the surgery.

Oh, and today we received the sampler kit of supplies for his urostomy. Better late than never.

I've always wondered if, "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" or if it's, "The squeaky wheel gets replaced." Now I know - it gets the grease. You have to be pro-active and not depend on others to look after your needs. Make calls, get names and numbers, followup. Well meaning but our urgency was not their urgency.

Making Progress

Samantha loves her sun baths. I tell her everyone loves Samantha but Andrew raises a paw to slightly object.

Today we received a visit from the Visiting Nurse. The Hospital From Hell told us she would be here the day after DH was discharged, but like everything else we were told - it was wrong. However, since she didn't do much when she was here it really didn't matter. She took his blood pressure, asked how he was doing, made some notes and said a nurse would be here about once a week to see how things are going.

This morning a friend of DH's stopped by to say hello. DH is still uncomfortable having visitors as he tires easily but he was as gracious as one can be in their bathrobe. The friend told him one of their mutual friends had the same operation and died in an automobile accident about a week after he was discharged from the hospital. He seemed to suggest that the operation had made this person more vulnerable and less able to withstand the accident. Some cheer he brought.

DH is making such progress! He had scrambled eggs this morning, fruit and a nutritional drink for lunch and pizza for dinner. And he is also drinking lots of water. His strength is coming back and though DS gave him a walker, he hasn't used it. The next thing is getting the stitches out tomorrow and getting the full results of the pathology report.

This has been a very difficult, arduous ordeal. In some ways easier and in some ways more difficult than we were prepared for. The adjustment to the "appliance" has been easy. The stay in the hospital not so much. The recovery is still a work in progress but every day he's so much better than the day before.

More News

Lantern, Japanese Gardens

On Friday he was moved from ICU to a regular room. And from then on we had nothing but problems.

On Saturday when I was making my second visit of the day, he asked me to go back home and bring him a fan: there were problems with the air conditioning and his room was unbearably warm. He was still complaining about not being able to eat or drink and the overly warm room was a little too much. He threatened to leave the hospital and didn't care what the staff said. When I got back with the fan he calmed down a little.

Sunday he called and asked me to bring some electrical tape on my next visit. And why did he need the electrical tape? Because one of his many tube attachments kept getting unattached and was leaking on his body. He was tired of complaining to the nurses who weren't able to fix it anyway! He wrapped the tape around some connections but couldn't cut it because I didn't think to bring scissors. It worked for awhile and then it too began leaking. Every nurse (well almost) came in, looked things over and said it shouldn't be leaking but it was. What a mess. Again he threatened to get up, pull everything off and go home. That night he got his first "food" - bouillon, juice, and something that was either tea or coffee - we couldn't tell. The Patient From Hell in the Hospital From Hell.

Monday after my morning visit, the doctor arrived and started pulling plugs, wires, tape, and said, "You're going home today." DH called me, I went back to the hospital and then we waited. And waited. They promised us a video on how to take care of DH at home. Then they couldn't find the video. When it was finally located they said it was really old and probably wouldn't be much help. Then an angel appeared in the guise of a nursing assistant who knew how to instruct us re the care he would need when he was home. She said her father-in-law had the same operation and she helped him with his "appliance" so she was well schooled in the proper care. Finally we were ready to leave - almost. They couldn't find a wheelchair for him so in utter frustration we just started to leave. He was walking extra slow so his pants wouldn't fall down and we were making our getaway! Bonnie and Clyde of the geriatric set. We got busted though about half way down the hall and were forced to wait for the wheelchair. Then we were on our way. Home at last! Re the pathology report - clear lymph nodes, clean bone scan but not everything is in. We have to wait until this Friday for the final, final report.

Tuesday I made cream-of-wheat for DH. He had chicken-noodle soup for dinner, bananas and ice-cream later in the day and not too much else. He was very tired, restless, emotional and I was always close by.

Wednesday, today, he is eating a little more. walking better and a little more comfortable. The only thing he is using for pain is Tylenol and he says the staples are extremely painful. We see the doctor Friday to have them removed and that is also when we will get the complete pathology report.

This has been such an ordeal. I now know how illness touches everyone in the family. The boys have been so concerned over his situation. Last night when DH wanted ice-cream the youngest one insisted that he be the one to serve it to his grandpa. I've stayed home from the office to be nurse and we've just been told a visiting nurse will be by tomorrow to see how he is doing and make sure we're comfortable with all the changes. We're getting there.

The Hospital

This evening they moved DH from ICU to a regular hospital room. He was able to stand, walk a few steps and sit in a wheelchair for about an hour. The surgeon says he is doing very well and we will have the pathology results Monday. I saw his incision for the first time today and was surprised at how it seems to go on forever and curves around the belly button. He won't be able to eat or drink anything for a few more days but can now chew on ice chips. Yesterday he asked me to ask the nurse for one of the popsicles she had given him earlier. She looked puzzled and then said it wasn't a popsicle but a little sponge on a stick that was dipped in water and used to swab the inside of his mouth. Some "popsicle." They are managing his pain with morphine and he is relatively comfortable. These caring nurses are the unsung heroes of medical care. His nurse in ICU was - you won't believe this - 71-1/2. When DH told me this I thought he was hallucinating so I asked her and she confirmed it.

DD is working on getting her car registration in order. Turns out she had a few parking tickets she neglected to pay and needs to take care of them before she can get her car registration current. But she is handling it, not ignoring things as she's done in the past. Tomorrow I will pick her up so she can see her dad and spend some time with her boys.

This hospital stuff doesn't leave me much free time (I had such plans!) but I'm taking care of things pretty well. No plant has died on me yet. While I do outside work, I just think of it as working on my tan. We needed to have some work done on one of our sprinkler stations but I wasn't much help when the guy came out so that will have to wait until DH gets home. It's okay though - don't want to look too proficient here!

Surgery

The operation started on time, 1:00pm. A medical inventory was taken before he went to surgery and several nurses noticed DH wasn't on any drugs, had no prior medical problems until this - he started just about right at the top urology speaking.

He was in surgery for quite a long time. He was still in recovery around 9:30 but just about on his way to ICU. One of the surgeons let me go into the recovery area so I could see DH before he went to ICU. They said he was breathing on his own and his urine output was good - both positive signs. DH weakly said he loved me and squeezed my hand - the hand that looked like a pin cushion with tubes and tape everywhere. They needed to use blood during the surgery but that wasn't unexpected. They also used a morphine spinal drip for pain and said it would help over the next 24 hours. It will be apx 3-4 days before we get the pathology reports and learn if the cancer had spread or if it was only in the bladder.

While in the waiting room I met a mother who had just discovered her 22-year old daughter had tongue cancer that had spread to the lymph nodes. The mother was beyond distraught. The daughter's operation was expected to take about two hours and ended up being closer to five.

Twenty-two, her only child and she thought she caused it because she had her later in life. I hope she has a good prognosis.

I've only seen DH scared of two things: lightning and this surgery. He had a childhood friend that was struck and killed by lightning and never got over it. The surgery itself is now behind us and we can begin to deal with what is and move on. DH has been very brave through all this and is my hero. Right now I'm beyond tired.

A little bit of Texas in California. And it looks like he's staying!And today's menu? Seven-up for breakfast, clear broth for lunch, Sierra Mist for dinner and lest I forget, something for breakfast guaranteed to make sure nothing stays (or has ever stayed) in his intestines. I wish I could joke about this but he is scared, really scared and so am I. Scared of the operation, scared of the pain, of the recovery, of the unknown and of whether or not there is any additional cancer. He has already drawn his line in the sand - no chemo. None. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Nada. No further discussions. So this surgery better take care of the cancer. His surgeon is extremely confident but is there any other kind? He really likes DH and said he thinks of him as a father figure - though he also said DH is not old enough to be his dad unless we're talking about some place in the deep south.

The bone scan was done today and he is now totally exhausted. Tired of tests, of being poked, prodded, stuck and who knows what else. He's already telling me what reading material he wants brought to the hospital and in what order. Guess he's not too exhausted. We will be at the hospital tomorrow around 11:00am and his surgery is scheduled for 1:00pm. Since there are three surgeons involved, I am relatively sure it will start somewhat on time. Relatively sure.

DS's son came back from visiting his maternal grandmother in Sacramento. There is a very strong possibility he will be staying out here with his dad instead of going back to Texas to live with his mother, DS's ex. He wants to stay here, says he's a California Kid and his mother is agreeing. We're all happy about this.

What a difference 90 days can make, 2160 little hours! Today we picked DD up and took her to the Plaza for lunch. Her boys wanted to go to Islands but she preferred Panera's. After a rock-paper-scissors, Panera's was it. After lunch we went to Border's and browsed for an hour or so and then back to our place for a visit with DH. She has a mandatory house meeting every Sunday at 6:00pm so we headed back to her place around 5:00pm. Her car is still at DS's place but she needs to get her tags up to date before she can drive. Later this week she will purchase car insurance and make a trip to the DMV (via bus) and take care of bringing her registration up to date. That will make getting to her job much easier. Right now she takes the bus and the few miles to her job takes nearly an hour. Oh, and the reason oldest son preferred Islands? He didn't know he could eat vegetarian at Panera's - he decided yesterday to be an ovo-lacto vegetarian.

Tomorrow evening is the last food DH can have before his surgery on Wednesday. Monday morning he is going to the hospital to take care of details - things are moving quickly now. Ah, no pun intended though he is also going to get a good cleaning out of course. That process starts Monday evening. I'm looking past this to the time when all the healing is over and we get back to a dull routine. Dull looks good right now.

Moving Day

Today DD moved into an assisted living arrangement after completing 90 days in a live-in rehab program. She is now staying in a 4-bedroom home with 8 others and will be there until an apartment is available for her and her youngest son. The place is small, there are 3 twin beds in her room and there isn't much privacy. She has two shelves in the refrigerator and two shelves in the cupboard for her food items. Food is not provided so we went shopping. All members in the house have assigned duties and those with children are allowed to have their children visit and spend weekends. The youngest son is spending the night with her tonight and looked a little uncomfortable about the whole thing. But then that's not an unusual look for a 13 year old. I'm sure he will have a good time. Or at least an okay one. As for DD? She couldn't stop smiling!

DH is mentally preparing for surgery. Everyone ask how he feels and he feels great, no pain or discomfort at all. In a way it would be easier for him if something was hurting and he could look to the surgery as a way to relieve pain. The symptom that got him to the doctor was blood in his urine. As our son said, men don't even hesitate when they suspect trouble in the "man department." And this from the DS that knew all the proper names for parts when he was two! Anyway, that symptom led to further tests and then to the diagnosis of invasive bladder cancer.

Would like to see the meteor shower tonight but don't think it will be visible with our monsoon overcast. The last time it was around DH and I sat outside and tried to count all we saw - there's one, look another one, did you see that one until finally we fell silent and watched with awe the beauty of nature.