Big Brothers

Son 6, and daughter 4, in Seattle. He always looked out for her and still thinks his role as big brother carries some responsibility. We had a huge golden-delicious apple tree in the backyard that produced like crazy. I canned apples, made applesauce, apple butter and gave apples to everyone we knew. There was an alley behind the property that had wild blackberries and the kids picked them (getting scratched up in the process) so I could make jam or pies. One more paraphrased story from Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott. She talks about giving and the story she thinks that best illustrates giving is a true (she says) story she heard about a little girl with leukemia who needed a blood transfusion. The doctors thought her older brother who was eight might be a match and it turned out he was. His parents asked him if he would be willing to donate blood to his sister but he wasn’t sure and he said he wanted to think about it. The next day he said yes, he would do it. They took him to a hospital where he was on a gurney next to his younger sister and both were hooked up to IV’s. The doctor came in to check on them and asked the boy how he was doing. It was then that the boy opened his eyes and asked the doctor, “How soon until I start to die.”

In Memory

A daughter-in-law of one of our closest friends just passed away of lung cancer that spread to her brain. The DIL and her husband had just purchased their dream house, the one they wanted to grow old together in when she was diagnosed with lung cancer. Even knowing she had lung cancer she couldn’t or wouldn’t quit smoking. When the cancer spread to her brain she went out of state to try experimental procedures hoping they would save or at least prolong her life. By this time there wasn’t anything that could be done and she was sent home to die. She leaves behind a husband who was a childhood sweetheart, children that adored her, parents who will always grieve, and in-laws that loved her like their own daughter. She was 47.

Congrats Sam!

Samantha urped her first hairball today! We will soon be in the market for a new water heater and are considering whether or not to get the traditional type or a tankless one. Do you have or know someone who has a tankless type? Any thoughts for or against?

You never know.

There is an article in today’s paper about a 74-year old woman who was dragged down a street by a thief on a bicycle while she held onto her "shoulder bag, actually a reusable grocery bag holding five carrots, a cabbage and a bottle of water." She wasn’t fighting to hold onto her bag because of the contents but because she had written her name and address on it and she didn’t want the thief to know who she was and where she lived.

He dragged her for quite a while and because she was afraid of breaking a hip she eventually let go of the bag. Except for black and blue marks she was okay. The thief escaped on his bike.

A few years ago I had a similar situation. Two young men approached me in a super-market parking lot and told me to give them my purse. I always thought that if someone wanted my money I’d give it to them, no questions asked and if they were disappointed in the cash I’d write them a check. But I heard myself saying no as I slowly backed away from them. One with a potty mouth said he wasn’t f*&#ing with me and he’d cut me with his knife if I didn’t pony up the purse. I calculated how much damage he could do with the size of knife he had as I continued to back up and told him in a voice I hoped would attract passersby that no, I wasn’t going to give him my purse. When they realized others were starting to notice what was going on they ordered me to get into my car. Now, how stupid was that? If I wasn’t going to give up my purse I sure as heck wasn’t going to get in my car with them! Dumb. Soon it became obvious to them that a crowd was starting to gather and they took off. I filed a police report but they were never caught.

I never cared about giving up the money but was afraid of them taking my purse; they would have my name, address, and credit cards – essentially me. If they had asked only for money it might have been different. The officers taking the report told me I was lucky and I suppose I was. In retrospect it probably was foolish and I don’t know if I’d do it again but at that time, in that place it was right for me.

It also taught me one thing: no matter how you think you’ll react to a particular situation you never really know until it happens. And it took me about two weeks before I felt comfortable returning to that market.

Reality Check

Reality is rearing its ugly head. DH got a call from his doctor and tests are now being scheduled to make sure his cancer hasn’t returned. Blood test, CT scan and X-ray all to be done within the next couple of weeks and then a consultation to interpret the tests and see how things are going. Though we’ve never been able to completely put the idea of his cancer returning out of our minds it’s been carefully tucked away into a dark little corner. Now we have to pull it out, examine it carefully and hopefully put it back again for another six months.

Kids do say the darndest things!

Uncle's Resort, Minnesota 1942I first heard of Anne Lamott when she was a guest on NPR and have been a big fan of hers ever since; in fact I should own a share of Traveling Mercies since I’ve purchased at least a dozen copies as gifts.

For some inexplicable reason the only book of hers I never got around to reading was Bird by Bird so I bought a copy a few days ago and am now in the process. This is a laugh-out-loud book on "writing and life."

I'm paraphrasing this but one story she tells is about her then 3-1/2 year old son who took a set of toy keys and purposely locked himself out of the house. She heard him fiddling with the lock and trying to make the keys work. The next thing she heard was him saying, “Oh, sh*%!” She quickly opened the door and told him that he had just used a bad word, one that he and mommy shouldn’t use and she wasn’t going to say it anymore and neither should he. He was very contrite and agreed but then wondered if she wanted to know why he had used that word. She said, okay – so he whispered to her it was because he was so mad at the f#^%*$g keys!

Words and Whine, er Wine

Caption Reads: Heidi Caouette, a deli worker at Wal-Mart, examines the overturned truck she drove to work in Prattville, Ala. A tornado that ripped through town tossed it about 200 yards. At leased 30 people were hurt as the storms blew through the Florida Panhandle and Alabama.

Hay, at leased spell check works but not two well unless you chews the right word. 'Nuff said.

A couple we had breakfast with the other day said her doctor wants her to have a glass of wine every evening with dinner. They don't drink at all but dutifully headed to the store to pick up a bottle of wine. But did they bring one home? Nope. Overwhelmed by their choices they didn't know how to decide so left, sans wine. DH told them about Trader Joe's Two Buck Chuck, drinkable, cheap and even has a cork. They picked up a bottle that afternoon and looked forward to having a glass with dinner but another disappointment - they couldn't get the cork out. Today DH bought them a decent corkscrew and we are now waiting hear how they liked the wine.

Fast Times

Remember Fast Times at Ridgemont High where Brad (Judge Reinhold’s character) rehearses breaking up with his girlfriend only she surprises him by breaking up with him first? And then he starts trying to talk her out of it and thinks of all the reasons why they shouldn’t break up?

Life follows art. DGS decided he and his current girlfriend weren’t exactly a match and their relationship (such as it was) had run its course. For several days he planned what he would say and how he would say it. The moment arrived and surprise, she did it first. DGS was caught off guard but told her he agreed it would be best and to his credit didn’t try to talk her out of it or let her know he had been thinking of it first. They started out as friends and ended as friends.

Incidentally, he hasn’t seen Fast Times and I’m thinking of renting it for him.

Eat Carrots

Ugh. Another USDA beef recall – 143 millions pounds of frozen beef from Chino based Westland/Hallmark Meat Co. Some of these cattle were “downer” animals, too sick to walk into the slaughterhouse and horribly mistreated because of it. Since “downer” cattle have been linked to mad-cow disease and pose a higher risk of contamination from E. coli they aren’t supposed to be in the food supply. Unfortunately about 37 million pounds of the recalled meat have already gone to school programs and been consumed.

I’m a vegetarian and we have our own sets of problems with recalls but at least no one has been accused of mistreating a vegetable. There should be a special place in hell for those that abuse the helpless/weak – that includes but isn’t limited to children, animals and the elderly.

Movies, Movies, Movies

Mission Inn, RiversideDH and I made a point of seeing all of the major Oscar nominated movies and performances. One surprising aspect of this has been discovering how much fun we have afterwards discussing the movies/performances over coffee or dinner out.

Having finished seeing our “must see” movies, today DH wanted to see The Bucket List. When it first came out he wanted to see it but then changed his mind – partly on the lukewarm to bad reviews it received and partly because he wasn’t ready to see a movie about two men with terminal cancer making a list of things to do/see before they died. DH’s own cancer operation was exactly 6 months ago yesterday.

The movie deserved the reviews it got but DH enjoyed it. The worst part of the movie for me was when (spoiler alert) Morgan Freeman’s character died on the operating table. Going to sleep and not waking up is probably the biggest fear anyone having surgery faces. DH asked his surgeon about the possibility of that happening and was told, “yes, it’s a possibility but I haven’t lost anyone yet and I don’t intend losing you.” And by the grace of God and the surgeon’s skill, he didn’t.

I thought Sean Hayes was wonderful in the movie. Seeing Rob Morrow made me miss Northern Exposure all over again. Jack Nicholson's performance made me miss Warren Schmidt. Morgan Freeman is God or at least the voice of God.

A Reason To Smile!

Congratulations DD!

She has now been clean for nine months, six days. When she realized she had hit her last bottom and it was either get clean or die, she chose life. Since then she has been working her program and taking it one day at a time - staying clean and changing her life.

We are very proud of her!

High Expectations

DGS is spending the night with DS and his wife so we have the house to ourselves tonight!

Happy Valentine's Day!

I'm from the government, trust me, check is in the mail!

It is official: signed, sealed and about to be delivered. Today President Bush signed the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008 which includes tax breaks for businesses, payments to disabled vets and some senior citizens, and rebates for millions of tax payers. The rebates will probably start going out in May and the hope is that with this new-found money consumers will start consuming. Maybe. Maybe not.

DS and his wife will use their rebate to handle bills and living expenses. His doctor has just given him the okay to go back to work after his motorcycle accident almost a year ago. Disability checks aren’t the same as a paycheck, they can use this money.

DD plans on using her check towards a place to live where she can be with both her boys. The rebate plus her tax refund will be a big help.

I’ve read that this rebate is costing the Government (that’s us) about $117 billion over the next two years. I hope this does help our economy but anecdotally everyone I know receiving a rebate is either saving it or using it towards bills. If you are getting a rebate, what will you use it for? Bills? Vacation? Water heater?

Round Valley

My brother and new little brother, Round Valley, CA 1951Dad worked for DWP and for a while we lived in Bishop before moving to Round Valley, approximately 10 miles away. As kids we loved everything about living there but mother hated being so isolated. It was hot in the summer and cold with lots of snow in the winter. My sister and I loved picking elderberries so mother could make jam and dad let us earn extra money by catching grasshoppers. We put them in a quart jar with holes in the lid so they could breathe. Dad said he wanted them for fishing but I think he just released them and gave us our quarters, one for every quart jar full. The grasshoppers would spit brown stuff and we thought it was tobacco juice - it wasn't until many years later I learned that was their defense mechanism. We ran free and wild and learned to watch out for rattlesnakes that might be sunning themselves.

Living in the Sierras we were close to lots of lakes and streams and went camping and fishing often. We camped and fished at Convict Lake, Mammoth Lakes, June Lake, Mono Lake, Crowley Lake – all beautiful. Dad was a good fisherman and always caught enough fish for dinner.

Dad and mother were still adjusting to married life and each other and sometimes would have loud arguments. Dad would storm out the door and literally head for the hills. He had gone from being a bachelor to marrying a woman with three kids and shortly after adding another one. Yep, he had an adjustment period.

The last time mother was in Bishop was with DH and me. We were in our motor home, returning from a trip to Montana. She recalled only good memories about when we lived there and was surprised at how little things had changed. We stopped at Schat’s Bakery on our way out of town, a bakery famous for its bread. We loaded up our carts with artisan breads, jalapeno-cheese bread, raisin, whole wheat, rye, sheepherders, sourdough and then stood in line for the cashier. Mother was ahead of me and told the cashier she was also paying for my purchase. I started to protest when the man behind me said, “Hey, she can pay for mine too if she wants.” Then everyone in line piped up, "mine too." She was fun to travel with, shop with, be with. I miss her. And why so much bread? Our family has an unwritten rule: anyone going to Bishop has to bring back enough bread back to share.

A Country For Old Men

DH listed his truck on craigslist and sold it in three days to a young man (late 30's, its all relative) who said he'd looked at and rejected other trucks because the sellers either had misrepresented the vehicles or couldn't find the paperwork necessary to facilitate a transfer. He said he enjoyed dealing with senior citizens because they were honest, upfront and organized.

There are definite perks to being a senior besides just living longer - even though that's a pretty good perk all by itself. I like that DH mentors younger men in the neighborhood and that they come to him for advice or to borrow tools. He is fair, direct to the point of being blunt, and willing to lend a hand to anyone. He's the one neighbors leave their keys with, the one they call if they have problems. A good guy and I'm glad others recognize it.

Spring? On the way!

Today was another nice, warm day and most of our weekend was spent doing yard work. Definitely not my area of expertise but I learned how to handle these chores while DH was in the hospital having his operation. It’s much nicer having him home and doing them together. He even feels well enough now to let our gardener go, says he wants and needs the exercise.

I grew up in a household with a strict division of labor: mother was a stay-at-home mom and took care of five children and all the household duties while dad brought home the paycheck and took care of the yard work. I didn’t start “gainful employment” until both of our children were in school and always managed to be home with them in the afternoon. It wasn’t until DH was in the hospital that I did any yard work and discovered (to my great surprise!) that I enjoyed it. Isn't it wonderful to find new things to enjoy and love?

Camping at Mammoth Lakes

This picture of my brother, sister (far right), mother, Schatzie and me was taken at Mammoth Lakes in 1950. Aren't the kerchiefs cute? Mother often tied a kerchief around our head if she thought we might get cold or if we had our hair in rollers.

We lived in Bishop while dad worked for DWP on a water project. Mammoth Lakes is less than 50 miles away and we often went camping there. Dad enjoyed fishing the lakes and mother would fry the trout he caught for dinner.

The car is a Kaiser. Dad served on a carrier in the navy during WWII and became familiar with the Kaiser name as Kaiser Shipyards built landing craft and more ships than any other builder. After the war, Kaiser teamed with Joseph Frazer and produced cars and I think dad was their best customer. I remember dad backing this car into a tree and though it did no damage to either the car or the tree, mother teased him about it for the longest time.

Maternal Aunts

Aunt Petie (Petra) and Aunt Mae (Mabel) 1939 Aunt Petie was mother’s second oldest sister and the intellectual aunt. She loved learning new words and teaching them to us. She and her husband had no children and would invite us kids to spend a weekend at their place every so often. It was such an adventure. They lived with their cats near Griffith Park and Los Angeles in a duplex that was walking distance to a small market. She introduced us to pistachio ice-cream with marshmallow topping. I can’t imagine eating marshmallow topping on ice-cream now but then it was fantastic. When you’re young you can, and do, eat just about everything!

Aunt Mae was the third oldest sister and I didn’t know her as well. She and her husband were closer to my sister who lived with them for about 6 months or so when she was a toddler. They also never had any children of their own. Mother’s only surviving sister, Amy, says Mae had a great sense of humor and I wish I had known her well enough to know that. She was the only sister that married a tall man – the other sisters said that tall men reminded them too much of their brothers! She loved cooking and later in life took up oil painting as a hobby and developed her talent as an artist.

Neither one of these aunts had children. Maybe if they had lived at a different time they would have pursued fertility treatments, maybe not. Both couples seemed very fulfilled with each other, devoted even and we always looked forward to their visits. They were very special to their nieces and nephews. Selfishly, I'm sure it would have been different if they had had children of their own.

Big D little a, double l,a,s!

When our 3rd grandson was born, his parents were already having marital problems - I'm too old to say they had "issues." They had problems. DS's wife had a child from a previous relationship and perhaps she wanted a dad for her daughter.

Along came our son, her rescuer and Knight in Shining Armor. They met while she was pregnant and he stood by her through the pregnancy and birth. They married when her little girl wasn't quite a year old. Ten months later our son's son was born. I can still remember how excited he was to learn he was going to be a father. He told his dad, "Hey, I finally got one past the goalie." Okay, it wasn't poetry but it was him.

He became a dad to his wife's little girl as the birthdad wasn't in the picture at all. He expected to adopt her. Shortly after the birth of this precious boy, DIL announced she wanted out of the marriage - she had fallen in love with a man she worked with. About two months later she filed for divorce.

Our son moved in with us temporily and we hurriedly bought baby furniture. While purchasing a crib, DH turned to me and said, "This isn't exactly how I planned to spend my golden years." Good thing we don't always know what the future brings, right? Little did we know then how even more complicated our "golden years" would get! The little girl continued to call our son dad and us grandma and grandpa for the longest time. And DIL corrected her every time she did. It was very painful.

Ex-DIL married her co-worker and now lives in Texas with our grandson who spends every summer here with his dad. Last Christmas it looked like he was going to be here permanently but it didn't happen. Perhaps this year it will. DS has a new wife and we love her like a daughter. They would like to have chidren but it hasn't happened yet. She is an excellent mother to DGS.

Ex-DIL never wanted sons. When she was pregnant with DGS and they learned it was a boy, she pouted and sulked for weeks. She and her husband have no children together but he has four boys from a prior marriage. The birthdad of her daughter is now in the picture, lives in California and sees his daughter every summer. He has never married and has no other children.

1942

Mother
May 27, 1942

19 years old

She is at a train station but I'm not sure where. The ticket counter can be seen through the front door.

The lower right corner which would show her married name has been torn off. My sister and I found many pictures like that which made us wonder if she had been married before and if our dad was our "real" dad. It wasn't until many years later that she finally told us the truth. It didn't matter to my sister and I - dad was dad. It did matter to our younger brother though and he looked up our birthdad before he went to Viet Nam.

The back of the picture says Peoples Drug Stores which was eventually acquired by CVS.

Super Tuesday

Super Tuesday.

My preferred candidate has dropped out and I’m left with choosing between two with fairly similar ideas and plans.

In deciding which one to support I’ve thought about what I'd like in a president. I'd like a president who can restore our reputation overseas which has been severely damaged by this administration’s foreign policy and the lack of the “loyal opposition” to oppose. I'd like one who can bring us fiscal responsibility. A $3 trillion budget and the market's performance today were good indications of the economic problems we face at home. I'd like not only change (obvious) but someone inspirational, someone who can pull us together again like Kennedy did with his, “Ask not what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country.”

I am comfortable with Hillary Clinton but there are those that really hate her and would oppose any idea she came up with just because it was hers. In fact, when some of President Clinton’s proposals were shown to people and not identified as his, they were supported. As soon as his name was attached to the same ideas they were opposed. Obama doesn’t carry the same negatives the Clintons do. Obama and Clinton have platforms that are fairly close but she’s divisive, he’s not.

All things considered, I slightly prefer Obama over Clinton but could support either one in November.

Los Angeles

Los Angeles, Echo Park area

Those aren't two visiting Mormon missionaries on the porch, they're my cousins.

We lived with them for a while after we left Florida and mother divorced our birthdad.

The house, built in 1902, seemed so big to me but was only about 1300 square feet with 6 large rooms and 1 bathroom. The dining room had morning-glory wallpaper, white priscilla curtains and blinds. My aunt and uncle bought it in 1944 and lived there until they moved to the San Fernando Valley.

The picket fence was built by another uncle with surplus wood he got at work and painted by Grandpa. A rose bush is on the trellis at the right and a poinsettia bush on the left side of the house. Mother and her sister both had December birthdays and loved poinsettias.

I've recently learned that WEP (birthdad) followed us to California and lived with us at our aunt and uncle's house for a short while. WEP bought a huge Grundig Majestic Player that was considered quite an extravagent purchase. They didn't have many records and played the few they had over and over. Mother later had quite a collection of old records and my sister and I loved doing wild pantomines to Spike Jones and his Wacky Wacketeers. Scratchy old 78's and we loved them. It's fun now to see DGS discover vinyl.

A Trucker's Journey

These pictures of a truck driver's tribute to those killed on 9/11 were sent by a friend's husband who is a long-distance trucker. When we travel, I never cease to be amazed by the creativity of truckers.

We're Melting

Mission Inn, RiversideFalling home values, sub-prime loans, creative financing – all have contributed to the housing mess in Southern California. Teaser rates are adjusting and the new, higher payments can’t be met. Many areas of the country have been affected but the Inland Empire has been especially hard hit. Mortgage meltdown.

I know people are losing their homes.

I know homes aren’t selling. Buyers are waiting for even lower prices or are ready to buy and can’t get a loan.

I know that those with equity lines are also affected – falling prices means less or possibly no equity.

I know that if a house stands empty it invites vandals and that causes neighborhoods to further deteriorate.

I know Riverside County saw 119% increase in default notices from a year ago, Orange County 116%, L.A. County 83%.

I know all this. I hear and read about it on a daily basis.

However, when I saw the first “bank owned” house and the first “auction” sign in a window it hit me in a different, emotional way. These aren't just investments. We're not talking only about profits/losses/ dollars/cents. These aren’t just houses. They’re homes.

Gonna Take A Sentimental Journey

In 1946 my mother and I left Florida for Los Angeles, California to live with one of her sisters, her husband and their two boys. She was leaving our father and five months pregnant with our brother. Because she didn’t feel able to handle two toddlers in her condition, my eleven-months younger sister went to stay with an aunt and uncle in Minnesota.

This aunt and uncle never had any children and they formed a very close attachment to my sister. They knew my mother was getting divorced, how hard it would be for her to raise three children alone and would have adopted my sister if my mother would have allowed it but she never would. But they always had a special spot in their hearts for DS.

Our brother was born in September and sometime in November we traveled by car to Minnesota to pick up my sister and take her back home to Los Angeles. Mother said that when DS and I saw each other again we ran towards each other and did little happy dances. We returned to L.A. and continued to live there until mother met and married the man we came to know as dad. He and mother later added two more boys to our family.

My sister and I never saw our birth father again after we left Florida. Our brother looked him up before he went to Viet Nam and they formed a relationship of sorts that lasted until his death. He had remarried but never had any other children.

Atlantic Coast Line Railroad merged in 1967 with Seaboard Air Lines Railroad and became the Seaboard Coast Line Railroad. It eventually became part of CSX Transportation, one of the largest freight railroads serving most of the East Coast. The total fare paid in 1946 was $131.83, from Tampa to Chicago to Los Angeles. The current Amtrak fare is approximately $271, coach.