Fire

There are so many roses that the bush bends from their weight. The winds didn't bother them.The fires have turned the sky in SoCal light brown and there's still a slight scent of smoke in the air. The worst of it has passed as the Santa Anas have died down and the humidity has increased somewhat. Our friends in Lake Arrowhead did not lose their home but a few of their neighbors did. This is not the first time they've had to evacuate but they say it never gets easier. I've read that some who lose their homes and possessions through fire say that in a way it is freeing - they learn that they are more than the sum of their things and what is important and matters in the long run. Perhaps. For some.

My grandparents had their home destroyed by fire when my Mother was just a toddler and that experience left her with a life-long fear of fire. Her mother caught pneumonia and died shortly after the fire and they blamed her death indirectly on the fire. She never knew her mother and said that as she grew older she decided that one day she would be the mother she had wanted. I think one of the best things a mother can give is the knowledge that you are completely and without reservation loved for who you are - warts and all. It's a love that makes you believe in yourself. This wonderful person, your mother, says you're terrific so it must be so. She always regretted not having a mother as she grew up but turned herself into a mother that her five children (and numerous grandchildren and great grandchildren) adored. She did alright for a little girl from Norwegian Grove.

Santa Anas

The bougainvillea is so beautiful this time of year.As it turns out, it's not just my imagination that the Santa Anas we're currently experiencing are about as bad as I've ever seen - part of the proof is in all the fires that are still out of control. It has been too windy today to use fixed-wing aircraft so no super-scooper tankers have been able to drop water or chemicals. If the winds die down a bit, things may change but they will only be able to use them until it gets dark. We have friends in the Lake Arrowhead area (they're saying an arsonist is responsible for that fire) and it seems they're forced to evacuate every other year but they wouldn't live anywhere else. We can smell and see smoke but there are no fires in our area. However, the winds will be with us for at least 24 more hours.

I telecommuted today since the 91 was a mess because of a fire in the Santiago Cyn area - also caused by an arsonist. So I had an extra day to get things done at home. And did I? Nope. Still have a "to do" list as long as my arm. Since DH is now feeling much better, I'm making a list for him too. Hey, if I don't do it who will!

The Santa Anas AKA Devil Winds

Sam loves to burrow - thinks she can't be seen as she settles in for a nap.They're back. The Santa Ana winds are back with as much force as I've ever seen. These are hot, dry, dry, dry winds that usually appear around this time of year and seem to suck the moisture out of everything and everyone. They also bring wildfires -some caused by nature, some caused by human error and some started on purpose by sick people called arsonists who have no regard whatsoever for people, animals or property. We have eight different fires going on right now and they are all out of control with no idea of when they will be contained. These devil winds are expected to continue until Tuesday. And unfortunately these winds usually increase overnight.

On another note, DGS bought his first fancy-schmancy wool sport coat yesterday. I had promised him a shopping trip and of course my input but the final decision was his. He has good taste! He looks fabulous in it and says he's going to use it for trolling. Hmm, no fishing this far inland that I know of - wonder what he meant by that? ;-)

Lastly, I've finally managed to buy something that Samantha likes and uses - we lucked out and found a great cat tree that should provide her with lots of climbing hours and great views out her window. It has a few toys that she can swat at from different levels. Now maybe she will give Andy back his stool by the window. Or not.

Just Stuff

Wind knocked off one of the birds but DH fixed it. He also wanted to polish it up a bit but I like the way it's weathering.

My insurance agent called to inform me that the collision shop that has my car will be keeping it until November 1st - I expected to get it back next week so am disappointed. And the apx $1500.00 estimate has changed to $2600.00 and may climb.

DGS said there was going to be a potluck (what's a potluck?) at work and he was asked to bring a dessert. Should be interesting. He's still on his Italian kick - how hard is to to make tiramisu?

My workday has the usual amounts of stress - some days are better than others. Today I needed to resurrect an old exercise:

take three deep breaths breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth

out loud say "alert, amused body"

take three more deep breaths

and then say "calm mind" and smile

Works every time - think it's the "smile" that does it. Can't feel too stressed if you're smiling.

This N That

DGS's Bug You can't drive in SoCal without the occasional fender-bender or worse. My turn came up last week. Someone pulling out of a parking lot onto the street before checking to see if there was any through traffic tagged the right rear quadrant of my car. She was driving an Expedition. Ouch. Didn't do too much damage though - dented the side, scraped the paint and messed up the wheel-well. To the tune of apx $1500.00 which her insurance covers. However, the body shop says they need my car for nine days which seems like an awfully long time. Thought I could get by without renting a car (which her insurance also will cover) but no way I can juggle using DH's car for that long.

DGS is almost ready for his driver's test. Things will be a lot easier for all of us when he can drive. Though he loved his orange bug for a while he now wants to trade it in on something a little bigger. Not enough room for his musical equipment and I think he's not crazy about driving a stick.

Don't know if "happy anniversary" is quite appropriate but it was two months ago today that DH had his radical cystectomy. The operation was long, the hospital stay was borderline horrific and there were times when I thought we'd never figure out how to get his appliance to stay on and his diarrhea would never end. All of those problems are in the past and the future looks pretty good.

How Old?

This evening on the local news, a woman who had witnessed an accident began to describe the person that had left the scene. She said, "He was Hispanic. And he was an older man, between thirty and forty." Bada-Bing! Made my day.

Okay, this made my day too but in a good way: DH's supplies were delivered today. Round 1 for the VN.

Domestic Bliss

The flowers are fading but still enjoyable.

After reading Amy's blog re her mother and best friend sewing while on vacation and having just finished Snow Flower and the Secret Fan (on Rosemary's blog as a good read) I was reminded of what my Mother told me about the first time she met her mother-and-sisters-in-law.

She had three children when she met and married the only man I ever knew as Dad. Their first child was born in July and in August we made a trip back to ND so Dad's family could meet his wife, new family and his baby boy.

His mother was a short, heavy-set woman with hair down to her knees that was kept tightly wrapped in a small bun at the nape of her neck. His dad was a martinet, wiry small man that ruled the house like a Bantam rooster.

In Snow Flower, the author talks about the position (or lack of) that a woman had once she married and moved in with her husband and his family. She was subservient to her mother-in-law and needed to prove herself as a "worthy" addition to the family by assuming a lot of the family duties which included sewing. Once she gave birth to a son, her position improved somewhat.

Our Mother was in the same position of needing to prove herself - she was a divorcee with three children and Dad's family was highly suspicious of this California woman that snapped up this fantastic prize, their son and brother.

While Mother was relaxing at his mother's house, a couple of Dad's sisters arrived with bolts of cloth and as they pulled out the sewing machine they told Mother she should make some dresses for my sister and I out of the fabric they were carrying. Right now. Right there. So she did. She knew it as the rite of passage it was. She completely won them over as she finished up the dresses as they were sure this California woman wouldn't, couldn't know how to do "domestic" chores.

I don't remember what the dresses were like but I don't think I remember her doing any sewing as we were growing up. She did however know how to sew and had a sister who made dresses for my sister and me. They were awful dresses - no waist at all to speak of. When my sister and I complained about that, my aunt began putting ties on the dress so they could be tied in the back into a big bow. Did I mention we were in junior high? We always went to private school (until high school) so our humiliation was witnessed by small numbers. Small consolation.

I always sewed for my children and even learned how to make jackets and put in zippers for our son's pants. The aunt that made the dresses used to send me yards of fabric when we lived in Washington and I used everything. The scraps were made into quilts and it was always fun to look at the quilts and recall the dress, shirt, or jacket that the pieces came from. I also liked to make "granny" dresses for myself. Even made a 48" rag doll for our daughter with life-sized clothes. It was a Christmas gift and when she looked at it she said, "Oh, this dolly has no nose."

Well, it didn't have a three-dimensional nose but it did have a stitched-on nose, beautiful yarn hair and darling clothes. It was so much fun to make! Ah, memories.

Andy Now that we've gotten almost everything related to DH's operation under control, we get to deal with that portion of his insurance responsible for delivering the supplies he needs for his stoma. Three weeks ago we were assured we'd have the supplies within two weeks - they're not here. After many phone calls today we have again been assured they're on the way - we'll see. The VN placed the order but the company says they have no record of it. What DH has gone through is hard enough without having to worry about whether or not he will have the supplies he needs when he needs them. We will get them and I'm not stressed but DH is.

Tuesday

I've tried to get a wonderful picture of Andy to post but our little Scotty seems to photograph as a black chunk. How many flattering pictures do you see of Barney? Point made. This crosspoint needlework was done by our DIL - dearly loved.
There was an article in the paper today stating that "much of the stored blood given to millions of people every year may lack a component vital for it to deliver oxygen to the tissues." A doctor from Duke University was quoted as saying that "transfused blood being harmful to patients is one of the biggest problems facing American medicine." DH had three units of blood during his operation - necessary because his surgeon said radical cystectomy is a very bloody operation. Thank goodness the blood was available. DH is getting back to normal now but for many weeks he's been tired, forgetful, irritable, and just plain "spacey." I wonder how much of it is due to the trauma of the surgery, his natural disposition or to the transfusions. Yesterday it seemed as if a switch was thrown and he's now back in his body. Today, even better.

What A Difference A Day Makes

This picture is for the artist, my grand niece. On October 15th it will be two months since DH's operation and today has been his best day yet. Today is the first day he's said he feels great and he's acting like he does. He has more energy, his mood is lighter, his appetite has picked up, he's laughing at his own jokes and is making weekend plans. The difference between yesterday and today is unbelievable. A huge corner has been turned.

Amy references a barista on her blog and I thought of that yesterday while I was waiting for my pumpkin spice latte. And waiting. And waiting. It was obviously the first day for the woman preparing our drinks and she was completely overwhelmed. My drink took almost thirty minutes (at the bookstore so I didn't mind) and then it turned out my cup was leaking. I returned it and waited another fifteen minutes before I was given a replacement drink. That cup leaked too. Went back and this time my drink was put in a cup-in-a-cup. Unfortunately that leaked too and my mood was now not quite so patient. She then upgraded the size ("for a better value") as an appeasement and this time the cup didn't leak. The leaking cups were not her fault (all the grande cups seemed to leak) but she was so confused, tired, and overwhelmed that I am almost positive her first day was also her last. I felt bad for her. She wasn't prepared and those responsible for training her didn't.

More Stuff

Come on guys, smile!Spent most of the weekend with DD and the boys. Saturday we went to Ontario Mills where both budding guitarists played just about every guitar at Sam Ash while DD and I checked out all the new merchandise at Cost Plus World Market. They've got Christmas decorations out and everything looked so fresh and beautiful. DD is excited about Christmas this year - the first in many years that she will be able to spend with her boys as a clean and sober mom. And she's looking forward to making lefse, a Norwegian flatbread that is a must for Thanksgiving and Christmas. DH is even insisting that we will have lutefisk this year - cod prepared with lye. We boil it in cheesecloth (it would completely fall apart otherwise) and serve it with drawn butter. It smells terrible and sort of slips down your throat, chewing not really necessary. And it tastes as bad as it smells. Ah, tradition.

Later we went to lunch at Rainforest Cafe - shared a bruschetta appetizer and ordered Mogambo Shrimp, a pasta dish with shrimp, sundried tomatoes, peas and mushrooms all tossed with an Alfredo sauce. Delicious!

DGS is now interested in all things Italian. He bought a book and CD to learn how to speak Italian -which is obviously very important in SoCal where Spanish is a close (very close) second to English. I am going to rent the movie "Breaking Away" for him - the one about the bicycle racer with a love for all things Italian. It starred Dennis Christopher, Dennis Quaid and Daniel Stern. Next I'll find out if he's seen American Graffiti - another classic.

Autumn

Yesterday we had a high of 70 and today's high was 73 - fall is definitely in the air. A recipe for Take-10 Super Cookies at http://www.kingarthurflour.com/ has 10 ingredients that cancer researchers consider to be "breast-cancer friendly." I haven't tried the recipe but among other ingredients, it contains shredded carrots, dried cranberries, quick rolled oats, chocolate chips and almonds. Sounds delicious. If you want the recipe, log on to the King Arthur web site, click on recipes and in the "recipe search" box, enter Super Cookies. I have two DGS to bake for and have trained them well - they love everything I bake. :-)

DH was talking to a friend yesterday and I heard him say that they had gotten all the cancer when his bladder was removed. Well, yes but not exactly. They got all the known cancer but there was one very small spot where the cancer punched through the bladder wall and that means a chance (however small) that cancer cells may show up elsewhere. We will have followup appointments with his surgeon and primary physician soon to discuss DH's options.

The Escape Artist

Sam opened the garage door today. She found a garage-door opener in DH's nightstand, stepped on the right button and voila - up went the door and she was sure she was on her way to freedom. Andy ratted her out and - busted. Sorry Sam.In thinking about sexual harassment in the workplace, I would often not "get" what some men were saying. It wasn't always too hard because I was hopelessly naive for so long. The following illustrates my point.

Once a week we had pizza night at the firm I worked for. Around 5-6:00pm we would gather at the office for pizza and learn about new products, have different mutual-fund wholesalers tout their funds, get info on different tax shelters and new offerings. The meetings often lasted until 10:00pm and that was a very, very long day as most of us were at our desks around 6:30-7:00am.

This particular evening ran very late and it was almost 11:00pm when the most tired bunch of brokers you've ever seen headed for the elevators and home. Someone pushed a button that summoned the elevator. No one spoke. When the elevator arrived, we quietly shuffled in - still not speaking. We were exhausted. I was one of only two women brokers. Then one of the men said, "I'm so tired. When I get home all I'm going to do is play with my monkey."

Now, our local paper had been running a series of articles about how many people were illegally importing exotic animals and too late discovering they were difficult to housebreak and also dangerous. Most of the exotic animals were monkeys. So when this fellow said he was going to play with his monkey, I thought he meant a monkey. In all innocence I said, "Oh, you have a monkey?" When laughter broke out, someone said, "That must be Sandy!" It was. I knew I'd said something wrong but didn't know what until years later. I lot of my naivete I didn't have to fake. I also think I read too much.

Clarence Thomas Confirmation

Japanese Gardens - right now I need to look at something peaceful.I didn't think I'd blog tonight - too tired because DD and I spent all afternoon shopping. And I mean all afternoon, I just got home. Thought I'd turn on the computer, check the two blogs I always do and then go take a bubblebath, slip into a robe and grab a cup of coffee. Well, I'm wide awake now after checking Rosemary's blog re Clarence Thomas. I wonder how many women currently in the workplace are even aware of how contentious his confirmation hearings were. He was marginally qualified but was conservative and after the Bork nomination went down in flames, the conservatives were determined this one would get through - no matter what. During the hearings, Anita Hill who had worked with Thomas at the Dept of Education and at the EEOC, testified that he had sexually harassed her and made remarks to her about a pubic hair and Coke can. Thomas denied the allegations and the battle was on. The hearings were carried on NPR and also TV. It was a "he said, she said" situation. Both sides lined up witnesses but they absolutely steam-rollered over Anita Hill. Some of her co-workers said Thomas couldn't possibly have harassed Hill because he'd never bothered them. Really? He hadn't done it to them so that meant he wasn't capable of doing it to someone else? She had others to support her claim but they never were allowed to testify because the hearings were going on too long and the Senators just wanted to put his nomination to a vote and end the discussion. He was confirmed and a man who dabbled in pornography and held women in such low regard was appointed to a life-long position. A life-long position. And don't you wonder how all the bitterness and anger he still feels impact his legal decisions? The only positive thing to come from this was a public awareness of sexual harassment. Any woman who works with men knows, honestly knows, it goes on. I've experienced it, witnessed it. Pretending not to "get" what men were saying, avoiding being alone in certain situations. Managers that thought they held all the power and could do, say, insinuate whatever.

I've gone on too long but I'm wide awake now. Women need to be good friends to women.

And boys should be raised to respect women and girls to never, but never put up with harassment.

Gratitude Dance

We jokingly refer to a bull dance when we want the market to go up but I think this looks like more fun. And who doesn't have things to be grateful for - dance away


Tomorrow DD and I are going shopping! It's time. She is looking for a new coat, sweater or two, a couple of blouses or tops, and shoes. When we first moved down here from Washington I thought the idea of coats and sweaters was so not necessary - not cool enough for that in sunny SoCal. By our second year I had acclimated and yes, we need sweaters and coats here. I inherited my Mother's mink stroller but still haven't worn it. She always wore it on big nights out but I think it looks awesome with skinny jeans. She wouldn't mind. I would never buy a mink but I have it and should do something with it. Just need to figure out what.

PS

Love makes the world go round - flowers and music assist.There is a commercial for JCP with the accompanying song, "Life inside the music box ain't easy.." - and I can't get that song out of my head. The singer is Regina Spektor and I'm going to look into her music. May be my next CD or download.

A Happy Heart

He's not ready to eat another pastrami sandwich yet and is healing slower than we thought but....getting better every day and looking forward to a return visit to Back Street, Riverside.Today is too beautiful to be anything but up. At last, success! We're so comfortable dealing with DH's stoma. I can now put on an appliance that holds for a week and actually needs to be tugged off. No more leaking urine and adhesives not holding. I still find it hard to believe that he was released from the hospital before we knew how to handle it. One kind nurse whose father-in-law had an urostomy took it upon herself to show us how she changed his - said she did it all the time because her FIL wouldn't even look at it. She did her best and it was better than nothing but it turned out to be wrong for DH's situation. The 2nd VN that came showed us the right way though she even had some problems because his stoma was pretty flat. Thankfully it seems to be protruding a bit more now and that may have something to do with his post-operation swelling diminishing somewhat. Whatever, we're old pros - piece of cake.

DD and DGS were over yesterday for quite a while. She mentioned having very few things to wear as she's gained some weight now that she's no longer meth thin. Her old clothes no longer fit her and thank goodness for that! They were all "hootchie-mama" clothes that embarrassed the heck out of all of us. Anyway, she's currently wearing "do-no's" - clothes that have been donated and would like some things of her own. I think it's time. We've both been promised a makeover by DH (who can't plead amnesia because we both heard him!) and I think it's time to get the ball rolling

And guess what came in the mail today? An AAA travel brochure with info re cruises to Alaska! I've mentioned taking an Alaskan cruise to him but he said nope, not interested. Well, after looking at the brochure, he's thinking - seriously - about it. And no, I didn't send for the brochure. See how things work out?

Last time I'm going to mention this: Rosemary, you are not only smart but so wonderfully wise. Your comment re "you have taken care of him as a partner should" was so simple and so deep. Last night he reached for my hand, looked into my eyes and said, "Thank you from the bottom of my heart for being here. It means the world to me." And I thought of your words and knew, really knew what being a partner means - richer or poorer, sickness or health. I learn slow but learn well. Thank you

Okay - second to the last time: Amy, your sweet concern and phone hugs are priceless. Your whole family is so lucky to have you and I think your Mother is loving the way we look after each other. Thanks for being there - always!