The Quilt

The quilt pictured was given to me last week by my neighbor. It was hand quilted by her mother and grandmother, is 55-years old and has a wool batting. I felt guilty accepting it and politely tried to decline the gift saying it was really a family heirloom and was she sure she wanted to part with it. Was there another member of her family she would prefer to give it to? Nope, she wanted me to have it. She then went on to explain that six years ago after her mother who lived with her had passed away, seeing the quilt made her sad. I then felt more comfortable accepting it and remembered a friend who used to make and give quilts as gifts. She always took a picture of them before she gave them away so I asked my neighbor if she would want pictures of her quilt. She got a little teary-eyed, hugged me and said yes. These are some of the pictures I gave her.

Everyone handles grief differently but it would grieve me to give away something like that if my mother had made it. I wonder what makes the difference. After my mother passed away, a client asked if he could ask me about her or if the subject was too painful. It was a sort-of therapy for my grief to share her so I was rather grateful he asked and it didn’t bother me at all. I found letters mother wrote that I would have liked to share with my sister but she said no – she didn't want to see them because it was just too painful for her. Both of us grieved but handled it differently. Does it give you comfort or pain to discuss a loved one who has passed away? I think my client was particularly tactful when he asked if it was okay to ask and that’s what I now do with those who have had a loss.

Update

Our 18-year old DGS asked to borrow my digital camera and these are some of the images I found on it when it was returned.

I asked him about them and he said it was "art." Hmmmm. Seems art, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.


Crisis averted. DD went on an interview last Thursday for a job driving a bus in another county. They hired her on the spot and she started her new job yesterday. The down-side is that it's further from home so it's unlikely she will be able to go home on her split-shift days and apparently they will all be split-shift days; she's also taken a pay cut. For the up-side she once again has a paycheck, medical coverage for the family, is contributing to the same retirement plan and has a job she enjoys. She has learned a lot through this whole experience and so have we.

Before she lost her job she purchased a car from a private party that literally died as she was pulling out of the driveway. She wanted her money back, the other party said they'd have their mechanic fix the car instead. Bottom line - she didn't get the car and has gotten some but not all of her money back. So she and DGS shared his car. Until it died. Our son then told her about a friend selling a car and she bought it and that's what she and DGS are now sharing. We've helped out where and when we could so it's been a busy time for all of us.

Now a little personal stuff: DD has been remarkable through all this. I can't begin to say how absolutely crushed she was at losing her job and then the one "good" car they had gave up the ghost. I wondered how she would handle all the stress she was given and she did just fine. Amazing. It wasn't that long ago when her life was an unbelievable mess - I won't go into details because it doesn't matter and she isn't that person anymore - but she was at the very bottom in every way imaginable. When she checked herself into a place where they taught her how to live a "normal" life they helped give her her life back. All of the little speed-bumps in life that threw her such a curve are now just that - little speed bumps. There were times when all of us chafed at the rules and regulations she had to follow but we told ourselves, they must know what they're doing. And they did. She has learned how to parent, budget, maintain a home and her sobriety. And we're learning how to relax and trust things will work out.

Thank you all for your prayers, good thoughts and well wishes. Love does make the world go round.

That Was The Week That Was!

What a week this has been. After learning on Monday that she no longer had a job, DD was told to pick up her final check Tuesday. She was distraught so I said I would take Tuesday off to drive her there and suggested she ask for a letter of recommendation and also if they would consider rehiring her at some point. I knew they thought well of her and had spent a lot of time and money training her - if the accident had happened after her probation period it wouldn't have been a problem. I also thought that giving her a "talking point" would keep her steady.

Tuesday morning I picked her up, her eyes swollen from crying but chin up and ready to face the music. A friend spent most of Monday evening with her because she said she had been in "code red." She realized she had come too far to slip but it did cross her mind.

At the yard I waited in the car while she went inside. After about 30 minutes she came out and said we needed to go back to her place for the badge and uniform. She then told me what had gone on inside. Bottom line, they didn't want to lose her but had no choice. Her supervisor had wanted to extend her probation a month instead of letting her go but rules are rules. He said that they had reviewed the tape after the accident and watched every rider on the bus give her a hug as they got off. Undercover riders had been on her bus many times and had all written glowing reports on how she handled the bus and passengers. She was then told she was the type of employee they wanted and asked her to reapply in about seven months and they would rehire her. Her supervisor had already made a call to a possible new employer for her and asked DD to go there and pick up an application.

When we went back to the bus yard with her badge and uniform, she brought her supervisor out to meet me. Awkward but nice. He said he wants her back and I stumbled through something. The rest of the day was spent running errands - she needed a DMV printout, we went to the bank to deposit her final check, she picked up an application, did some grocery shopping and we ended the day by having a late lunch. It was a long day and I was exhausted.

Today is the first day we haven't been over to see her. She still feels sad about what happened but is keeping herself busy looking for a new job. Knowing how much they wanted to keep her I wish they could have but......what's that expression? If wishes were horses, beggars would ride. DD is resilient and will get through this but I'm a little slower and haven't even been able to turn the computer on until now. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your good thoughts, prayers and well wishes for DD.

An Ending

I can't help but wonder - was she too happy? Did I bring her bad luck by calling her a bus driver extraordinaire? There is a Norwegian philosophy about things going so well that something bad is bound to happen. And it has. Our DD lost her job as a bus driver because she scraped a sheriff's car with the bus late Saturday afternoon while making a right hand turn. The car was at an angle into the street while handling a traffic stop or something and she thought she had enough room but didn't. I don't have all the details but then again they don't matter at this point. She feels she's let everyone down, is embarrassed and very sad. She loved the job and tried so hard. I guess it wasn't meant to be but it's hard right now for her to hear that. Logistically speaking she now needs to get a new job - quickly - and we will help make sure she doesn't lose her place. I think I'm going to take a blogging vacation for a bit. It's time to circle the wagons.

The Bus Driver

Last month I promised DD a new hairdo to celebrate her first-year anniversary. It had been three years since her last haircut and she wanted a new "do." As badly as she wanted one, she was nervous about going. Finally she reached the point where she didn't care what was done to her hair - she just wanted a change. Ta-Da! Her hair was cut yesterday and this is The Change. She is so happy with her new look! Bus driver extraordinaire.

According to Fortune magazine, these are actual resume blunders:

"I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience."
"I have lurnt WordPerfect 6.0 computor and spreadsheat programs."
"Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
"Reason for leaving last job: Maturity leave."
"Wholly responsible for two (2) failed institutions."
"Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
"It's best for employers that I not work with people."
"Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."

Bada bing!

She's older than she's ever been...and now she's even older...

I love, love, love birthdays! This one has been particularly sweet! I've been experimenting with a four-day work week and will now make it permanent. Gives me a little more play time. BTW - I took today off and the market was up over 200 points. Hmmmm, maybe I'll take next week off and see what happens.

Compliments of Amy, I'm now going to eat my virtual carrot cake cheesecake. Virtual calories so everyone, help yourself.

And he's from Big D....

"Grandma?"

"Yes, Dallas?"

"Can you come to Texas and get me and take me to California when school's out?"

"Dallas, you're coming to California at the end of the month with your other Grandma. Can you wait a little longer?"

"I guess so but I want you to come and get me so I can get there sooner."

"Should I talk to your mother about that?"

"No. I guess I have to wait 'cause she already has the tickets."

"Then I think it's probably best if you wait too."

So our 10-year old Texas grandson will be here fairly soon but not soon enough. Last year his mother said she would let him live in California with his dad (our son) if he worked hard in school and got good grades. He did and now time will tell if he moves out here.

He lives with his mother, step-dad, half-sister and a veritable zoo assortment of animals (lemurs, geese, pigs, chickens, horses, dogs, cats, and goats to name a few) but misses his dad. His other grandma is retiring this year and may move to Texas so he will have her nearby. It sounds like a pretty good life for a kid but he misses his dad. But if he lived here, wouldn't he miss his mother and Texas lifestyle? No easy decisions here.

Last year when family friends drove him to California he brought me a kitten for my birthday. This was not a wanted present - in fact when he told me about the kitten before he left Texas, I reminded him we couldn't have one because of our dog. He held the kitten all the way and when DH saw it, he let Dallas know he didn't want a kitten. Dallas told him it wasn't for him, it was for his grandma. So........I kept the kitten he'd named SnowBelle, renamed her Samantha and she's been the best birthday present ever. Having a cat is new to me and she's been a constant source of delight, entertainment, exasperation and love. I learned I'd always wanted a cat.

Memories

We had lots of fun singing this song when we were kids. We didn't sound like They Might Be Giants but we sang with enthusiasm.

Recalling our road trips of years past reminded me of the Burma Shave signs. We got so excited every time we saw one and read them out loud and in unison. I found some of the old slogans and think they're still entertaining:

Around the curve
Lickety split
It's a beautiful car
Wasn't it?
Burma Shave

She put a bullet
Through his hat
But he's had
Closer shaves than that
Burma Shave

Slow down pa
Sakes alive
Ma missed
Signs four and five
Burma Shave

Within this vale
Of toil and sin
Your head grows bald
But not your chin
Burma Shave

Drinking drivers
Nothing worse
They put the quart
Before the hearse
Burma Shave

Thirty days
Hath September
April, June
And the speed offender
Burma Shave

Simpler times - we were easily amused.

It's not easy being green.......

We have green and red peppers. Are these green peppers or green going to be red peppers? Roma tomatoes, I think.

None of the tomatoes are ripe yet and my nightmare is that they will all ripen at once.

DD was driving her bus when she noticed one of the tires was flat. She called dispatch and they came out with another bus for her passengers. It was all done quickly and she finished her route just a few minutes off schedule. She said she was worried that her superiors would think the flat was her fault but they quickly assured her she hadn't done anything wrong - equipment breaks down.

Driving a city bus is hard work and she has developed callouses on her hands from gripping the wheel. She's been reluctant to wear gloves but now realizes she must. Two days a week she has a split shift with a 3-hour break. It makes the day much longer but she doesn't mind because it gives her a break from the physical demand of driving eight hours straight. Wednesday and Thursday are her days off. When her probation period is over (July 17th) she can work all the overtime she wants and plans on working 6 days a week.

We haven't seen her drive yet but may catch a ride with her one of these weekends - I'll bring my camera when we do. She still finds time to attend meetings and has a great support group. It hasn't always been easy but she's hanging in there and doing a good job.

Ch-ch-ch-changes

Agapanthus - Lily of the Nile - our first of the season and a favorite of hummingbirds. Once these are blooming they ignore our feeders and head for the good stuff. We received some sad news today - our neighbors have decided they are getting a little too old to remain in their home and have just put it on the market. He had knee-replacement surgery last year and though the rehabilitation was long he did amazingly well. He had his second knee replaced fairly recently and this time his adjustment isn't going as well. He thinks the first one went well because he had one "natural" knee but now with two artificial knees he doesn't feel he can handle all a home demands. They are looking into a retirement community or assisted living arrangement. Real estate is very slow in this area and we're hoping that this gives them a little more time to adjust to the new knees and perhaps change their plans. They have had a gardener and cleaning couple for years and two of their three children live near enough to help out on an as-needed basis. I hope they don't move. Also they really aren't that much older than we are and frankly it scares me to think of the day we won't be able to stay in our home. My 87-year old aunt is still living alone in her home. Not that she wants to die but she says when her time comes she hopes she's still at home, working in her kitchen. Me too.

The L.A. Times had a wonderful story in today's paper about the wedding of two 95-year olds. Both had been married to their prior partners for 60+ years and known each other casually from church and around town. When their spouses died, each had purchased a home in a retirement community. They began spending time together and started dating. He proposed on their first date which, "scared the bejusus" out of her. Eventually she accepted his proposal after conferring with her family. Both families gave their blessing and 200 family and friends attended the wedding. She said he spoiled her and even told her she deserved a man with hair - he's nearly bald. It was such a cute story. Nice to know that even if the knees go, love doesn't.