Japanese Gardens, site of our niece's weddingYesterday was visiting day again for our daughter and I continue to be amazed at the change(s) in her. She said she's been told you only have to change one thing - everything. A lesson she's taken to heart. I always knew that once she became sober again her boys would have no trouble accepting her back into their lives and hold no grudges. What surprises me is that we feel the same way. Actually, it really would do no good to be upset with her past behavior as she's not that person anymore and the person we see now hasn't done anything to be upset about.
Does that make sense?
Our oldest grandson has a friend that just graduated out of the foster care system. His dad is dead, his mother is still living but is unable or unwilling to be there for him and the young man is floundering. He has no place to live and when we were gone came to the house and asked our grandson if he could pitch a tent in the backyard. Our grandson told him we had our hands full just taking care of him and his brother and gave him a few ideas of where to go for help. When he related this story to me he added how glad he was that we had taken him in because he and his brother were spared being in foster care - there are no other relatives that could have helped. It made me think of some well-meaning friends who said how "lucky" the boys were to have had us take them in and I always think that if they were really lucky they would have both parents and an intact home.
An interesting catch-22 re all this: trying to get them covered with health insurance was quite an exercise. Husband is retired, I have an individual policy through work but can't add the boys because we don't have legal custody. Couldn't buy individual policies for them because though we have the legal right to make health and school decisions, it's still not "legal" custody. Mother has the legal right but no money and we didn't always know where mother was, we had money but not the legal right. So a teacher had me apply to a California program called Healthy Families. Financially we didn't qualify so they said to use the boys' income which was zero at the time I applied - they finally got coverage. Now the County is paying for something when we have the ability and desire to pay for it - but aren't allowed to. Frustrating.
We are now preparing for the transitioning that will take place when our daughter is through with her residential program. It's time for us to get back to being the grandparents that spoil and not the grandparents that help with homework and discipline.
4 comments:
The insurance issue is not frustrating (well it is to you) but it sounds just stupid. Period. I think about you and your daughter every day.
Rosemary, I don't know how you do but I know you do. Hugs!
Good news is that they have some kind of medical coverage:0)
I feel for these kids that are in the system. It tears my heart up when I walk into the juvenile court (my office) and I hear the kids crying and asking their parents why they have to live with people they do not know. These poor kids have to suffer for the actions of the parents. Some of the kids do not even want to see the parent even when the parent has managed to stay clean because they are scared that mom will start using again and they will be taken away again. Your grandkids are fortunate to have you. I hope all works out well for your family. I know from personal experience that the true challenge is once you walk out of the safety of the rehab.
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